Amusing moments from the Help Desk

User: I'm having a problem with my computer, can you come down and fix it?
Me: Hang on a moment, and I'll access your computer remotely.
User: How long will that take?
Me: About a few minutes
User: A few minutes? It will take you that long to just walk down here.
Me: Well, I want to learn more about our remote software tool, and I already know how to walk downstairs.

from an email:

When is somebody available to get us on?

Oh baby, the responses I could write to this.