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9 months later, a jounal was born.
Sep. 15th, 2016 03:26 pmWell, not born as much as reactivated. According to Semagic my last journal entry was nine months ago. How times flies.
There have been any number of parties and adventures during the time I was away. I pulled away from the tournament scene after two disastrous events (last place in both, including a US Masters tournament). I picked up a new game that I play mostly for fun, but it's still challenging. My summer cookouts have come and gone, friends have married and broken up, Fantasia was still great even with a smaller crew.
The reason I've come back, is a bit of a milestone. We have a new boss and all new employees at work, I've been here almost eleven years now. Today I told my boss that I'm dealing with Depression. I don't want to make a big Facebook post about it, but this place is deserted enough now that I don't worry about it. It's the first time I told someone this who wasn't a very close friend or therapist. I've danced around naming it as such for years, even after my therapy has done marvels at fighting it. But there's no way around it: Periodcally an episode hits and I'm utterly drained for about three days. Everything is hopeless, I'm worthless, blah blah blah. I can cope reasonably well now; I know if I need to be alone and immerse myself in TV or movies. The problem this week was that the depression was interfering with work. New boss noticed it, and asked if something was up. I told him.
The first thing he asked was "What can i do to make things better for you?" I was speechless.
We talked about some options: pulling me off the phones and just doing project work for the day (no talking to others), working from home, or even calling in and saying "I can't work today." I've talked about doing that in the past but never followed through. That will change. The good news is that these episodes only come up every six weeks or so now. I can spot them when they happen, and I have plans to deal. I know people are willing to hep and are supportive, but I've burned some friendships in the past over this. (My fault, not theirs). It's great that I have people who care and would help. It'd be even better if I had an SO around because friends all have their own lives and things to deal with. The fact is mostly I have myself around. One less that came out of therapy is that I needed adult support when I was you that I didn't get. Now I'm an adult, and I need to be the Adult for myself that I was looking for back then. It's actually been helping a bit.
So there. I called Depression what it is. I have friends, I have tools, and I have plans. Even then, things will still look hopeless for a while.
But only for a while.
There have been any number of parties and adventures during the time I was away. I pulled away from the tournament scene after two disastrous events (last place in both, including a US Masters tournament). I picked up a new game that I play mostly for fun, but it's still challenging. My summer cookouts have come and gone, friends have married and broken up, Fantasia was still great even with a smaller crew.
The reason I've come back, is a bit of a milestone. We have a new boss and all new employees at work, I've been here almost eleven years now. Today I told my boss that I'm dealing with Depression. I don't want to make a big Facebook post about it, but this place is deserted enough now that I don't worry about it. It's the first time I told someone this who wasn't a very close friend or therapist. I've danced around naming it as such for years, even after my therapy has done marvels at fighting it. But there's no way around it: Periodcally an episode hits and I'm utterly drained for about three days. Everything is hopeless, I'm worthless, blah blah blah. I can cope reasonably well now; I know if I need to be alone and immerse myself in TV or movies. The problem this week was that the depression was interfering with work. New boss noticed it, and asked if something was up. I told him.
The first thing he asked was "What can i do to make things better for you?" I was speechless.
We talked about some options: pulling me off the phones and just doing project work for the day (no talking to others), working from home, or even calling in and saying "I can't work today." I've talked about doing that in the past but never followed through. That will change. The good news is that these episodes only come up every six weeks or so now. I can spot them when they happen, and I have plans to deal. I know people are willing to hep and are supportive, but I've burned some friendships in the past over this. (My fault, not theirs). It's great that I have people who care and would help. It'd be even better if I had an SO around because friends all have their own lives and things to deal with. The fact is mostly I have myself around. One less that came out of therapy is that I needed adult support when I was you that I didn't get. Now I'm an adult, and I need to be the Adult for myself that I was looking for back then. It's actually been helping a bit.
So there. I called Depression what it is. I have friends, I have tools, and I have plans. Even then, things will still look hopeless for a while.
But only for a while.
Year's End 2015
Dec. 31st, 2015 02:44 pmThe office is quiet and still in the last thirty minutes of work for year. Our department hired two new people so we are back up to a full help desk again, this time I am the senior person. All the others are quite skilled, they just need help learning how things are done here, which I've been doing. Work continues to be fine, in fact with the departure of Jared and Shannon my confidence has only grown.
Forty six is starting on a good foot. My birthday was filled with sushi and good friends, and I started collecting some nice rums to enjoy in lieu of Scotch. There was a full house this year for Thanksgiving, with some new faces and new friendships formed. Sara's disco party brought the house down, as did my Village People inspired outfit. Honestly I'm surprised I let some of those pictures stay on the Internet, but it's nothing that I wouldn't own up to. The one thing that has slipped is going to the gym, I dropped to twice a week to once a week to not going at all in December. There's a little bit of apathy, and a bit of it not mattering if I put on some pounds or not.
Overall, my mental state has improved, but I can tell I'm in a downward swing right now. It's the first I've had in a few months so clearly things are working, and I'm learning a lot. I have the tools and words to be there for myself and I know that conditions are temporary. One slip of concentration, and things darken quickly.
I'm running a new campaign in January, and going to a magical New Year's Eve party. I should be very excited, but right now I'm just anxious. Time for a few deep breaths, and reminding myself that everything will be alright. There may even be a return to these updates, but don't hold me to that!
You were a good year, 2015. No, you were a great year. I hope to see more of them like you.
Forty six is starting on a good foot. My birthday was filled with sushi and good friends, and I started collecting some nice rums to enjoy in lieu of Scotch. There was a full house this year for Thanksgiving, with some new faces and new friendships formed. Sara's disco party brought the house down, as did my Village People inspired outfit. Honestly I'm surprised I let some of those pictures stay on the Internet, but it's nothing that I wouldn't own up to. The one thing that has slipped is going to the gym, I dropped to twice a week to once a week to not going at all in December. There's a little bit of apathy, and a bit of it not mattering if I put on some pounds or not.
Overall, my mental state has improved, but I can tell I'm in a downward swing right now. It's the first I've had in a few months so clearly things are working, and I'm learning a lot. I have the tools and words to be there for myself and I know that conditions are temporary. One slip of concentration, and things darken quickly.
I'm running a new campaign in January, and going to a magical New Year's Eve party. I should be very excited, but right now I'm just anxious. Time for a few deep breaths, and reminding myself that everything will be alright. There may even be a return to these updates, but don't hold me to that!
You were a good year, 2015. No, you were a great year. I hope to see more of them like you.
Endings (first world version)
Sep. 25th, 2015 12:29 pmIt's been a long time coming. After playing for seventeen years and through four editions, Games Worskhop has radically changed their Warhammer Fantasy game to the point where the only similarity between the old and new games are the models themselves. This decision has led 90% of the tournament community to abandon not only Age of Sigmar (the new abomination of a game) but the old 8th edition rules as well. This has caused a rather persistent low grade depression in me over the last few months. I consider that a sign of growth that what's getting me down is something external and minor, but still. I've started looking in a new game (Malifaux, very gothic/wester/steampunk oriented) which fun, but it's very small scale and totally different. There is another game more similar to fantasy (Kings of War) but currently feels like a dumbed down version of Warhammer Fantasy.
When you have a hobby you've enjoyed for almost half your life, it's natural to be sad over its ending. I can understand the reasons people want to quit Warhammer Fantasy: the game is no longer supported by new models or rules, it's hard to get new people into the game. These don't seem like sufficient reasons to me: we have a strong community of players, all the rules are still there, all our models (which we spent hundreds of dollars on and hours painting them) are still there. Over time perhaps the community will shrink, but there's no reasons to stop dead in your tracks. Unfortunately, I'm pretty much alone in my feelings.
All one can really do is mourn the passing of the hobby, and try to find the fun in something new. If the other tournament scenes pick up, that community will still live on (just with different slang and in-jokes). It was a challenging, sometimes frustrating, sometimes rewarding, and largely fun ride while it lasted.
When you have a hobby you've enjoyed for almost half your life, it's natural to be sad over its ending. I can understand the reasons people want to quit Warhammer Fantasy: the game is no longer supported by new models or rules, it's hard to get new people into the game. These don't seem like sufficient reasons to me: we have a strong community of players, all the rules are still there, all our models (which we spent hundreds of dollars on and hours painting them) are still there. Over time perhaps the community will shrink, but there's no reasons to stop dead in your tracks. Unfortunately, I'm pretty much alone in my feelings.
All one can really do is mourn the passing of the hobby, and try to find the fun in something new. If the other tournament scenes pick up, that community will still live on (just with different slang and in-jokes). It was a challenging, sometimes frustrating, sometimes rewarding, and largely fun ride while it lasted.
Fantasia Festival review day 3
Aug. 17th, 2015 04:07 pmLupin the Third - (2014/Japan/Action) Based off the manga and old animated series, this live action movies follows master thief Lupin and his friends as they try to recover a priceless item stolen from their headquarters. I'm not familiar with the series, but judging by the squeals and howls from the audience, the director did an amazing job of transferring the cartoon to live action. The movie is very stylish, with an awesome jazz/funk soundtrack that perfectly captures the mood. The one inexplicable part of the movie is how the actors switch from Chinese or Japanese to English at the drop of a hat. The action and effects are top notch, and there's a healthy dose of humor running through the movie as well. More blockbusters in Amercia should have the kind of heart and style this movie has. Rating: 5/5 heists
Experimenter - (2015/USA/drama) This movie was shot in a pseudo-documentary style, where the lead actor (Dr. Stanley Milgram) will break the fourth wall to speak directly to the audience. The movie focuses on his social experiment, where people were asked to read questions to someone and administer increasingly large electrical shocks if the answers were incorrect. Despite the cries of alarm from the person being shocked, most people would continue to follow orders and administer the shocks. These tests made him famous, but also drew lots of ire from people who couldn't stomach the results of his tests. No one wants to think they could inflict pain on other people by just following orders, but the desire to please and follow authority is deeply ingrained in all of us. The movie follows Dr. Milgram's life and career, including the various ups and downs and the numerous other tests he employed. It's a scary look inside human nature, and rooted completely in reality. Which makes it all the more scary. Rating: 4/5 shocks
Anima State - (2013/Pakistan/Drama) A masked killer is making his way through Pakistan, with no rhyme or reason for his killings. His attempts to be arrested or put on TV all fail, no one seems to be interested in his crimes or takes him seriously. The director takes aim at Pakistan culture, analyzing its psyche, the fears and concerns that its people have, and their jaded response to daily horrors. Domestic violence, violence in the media, corruption in the police, attitudes towards the USA and India, all come under analysis. You see these kind of films in America pretty often, but rarely do you see another culture put under the microscope like this. You can see a lot of uncomfortable similarities between Pakistani and US culture, even with different religions and levels of freedom. The tone of the movie shifts dramatically in the middle, in a very surreal way, that didn't seem to mesh with the rest of the movie. That being said, it was a very interesting look at another culture, unaffected by western bias, a story told by someone from that culture. Rating: 3/5 bullets
Strayer's Chronicle - (2015/Japan/sci-fi) In the search for altering human evolution, two groups of people are produced with super powers. One group are the offspring of people treated with high stress hormones in order to pass on abilities to their descendants, the other genetically altered with traits found in the animal kingdom. Their powers take a great toll on them, and they are not expected to live past twenty years. One group works for the government team that created them, the other operate off the radar on their own. But forces are aligned that will compel both groups to fight together against a common foe. The parallels to the X men are obvious. The special effects on the powers are pretty low key and realistic, and lots of time is spent on characterization, but a number of the characters (especially the girls ) fall flat. The ending of the movie falls apart a bit into melodrama and random action, taking the shine off what could have been an excellent movie if they lost about fifteen minutes of wasted screen time. Rating: 3/5 powers
That wraps up Fantasia for another year! After my last movie I joined Juliet and Tony at the Wiggle Room, where they had just caught a burlesque show and were talking to the performers. Mark, Amanda, George, and Kat all joined us and we closed the bar down, then went back to George and Kat's for more drink and shenanigans unitl four thirty or so. Did I mention we had to be up at 8:00 so I could get back to Boston for my next trip? Good thing I wasn't the one driving!
Experimenter - (2015/USA/drama) This movie was shot in a pseudo-documentary style, where the lead actor (Dr. Stanley Milgram) will break the fourth wall to speak directly to the audience. The movie focuses on his social experiment, where people were asked to read questions to someone and administer increasingly large electrical shocks if the answers were incorrect. Despite the cries of alarm from the person being shocked, most people would continue to follow orders and administer the shocks. These tests made him famous, but also drew lots of ire from people who couldn't stomach the results of his tests. No one wants to think they could inflict pain on other people by just following orders, but the desire to please and follow authority is deeply ingrained in all of us. The movie follows Dr. Milgram's life and career, including the various ups and downs and the numerous other tests he employed. It's a scary look inside human nature, and rooted completely in reality. Which makes it all the more scary. Rating: 4/5 shocks
Anima State - (2013/Pakistan/Drama) A masked killer is making his way through Pakistan, with no rhyme or reason for his killings. His attempts to be arrested or put on TV all fail, no one seems to be interested in his crimes or takes him seriously. The director takes aim at Pakistan culture, analyzing its psyche, the fears and concerns that its people have, and their jaded response to daily horrors. Domestic violence, violence in the media, corruption in the police, attitudes towards the USA and India, all come under analysis. You see these kind of films in America pretty often, but rarely do you see another culture put under the microscope like this. You can see a lot of uncomfortable similarities between Pakistani and US culture, even with different religions and levels of freedom. The tone of the movie shifts dramatically in the middle, in a very surreal way, that didn't seem to mesh with the rest of the movie. That being said, it was a very interesting look at another culture, unaffected by western bias, a story told by someone from that culture. Rating: 3/5 bullets
Strayer's Chronicle - (2015/Japan/sci-fi) In the search for altering human evolution, two groups of people are produced with super powers. One group are the offspring of people treated with high stress hormones in order to pass on abilities to their descendants, the other genetically altered with traits found in the animal kingdom. Their powers take a great toll on them, and they are not expected to live past twenty years. One group works for the government team that created them, the other operate off the radar on their own. But forces are aligned that will compel both groups to fight together against a common foe. The parallels to the X men are obvious. The special effects on the powers are pretty low key and realistic, and lots of time is spent on characterization, but a number of the characters (especially the girls ) fall flat. The ending of the movie falls apart a bit into melodrama and random action, taking the shine off what could have been an excellent movie if they lost about fifteen minutes of wasted screen time. Rating: 3/5 powers
That wraps up Fantasia for another year! After my last movie I joined Juliet and Tony at the Wiggle Room, where they had just caught a burlesque show and were talking to the performers. Mark, Amanda, George, and Kat all joined us and we closed the bar down, then went back to George and Kat's for more drink and shenanigans unitl four thirty or so. Did I mention we had to be up at 8:00 so I could get back to Boston for my next trip? Good thing I wasn't the one driving!
After a great continental breakfast and a short walk to the theater, we were ready to begin day two of movie awesomeness:
Snow Girl and the Dark Crystal - (2015/China/fantasy) Demon hunter Zhong Kui has stolen the Dark Crystal from Hell at the behest of his master Zhang, a Heavenly official. Zhong must protect the crystal from demons until after Reincarnation Day, which will allow Heaven to triumph over Hell forever. The demons send Snow Girl and her minions to recover the Dark Crystal, which is complicated because Zhong and Snow Girl were once lovers. There are plans within plans, betrayals, love, and lots of fighting before all is said and done! I was expecting this to be more of a martial arts movie, but it's more a straight up fantasy. Lots of CGI creatures and effects (some better than others), and a story that is more complex than expected. It's a very light hearted movie with moments of tenderness and some good action scenes. A great way to start off our day! Rating: 4/5 crystals
Sunrise - (2014/India/drama) This is definitely not a Bollywood production! Inspector Joshi's daughter was abducted and never found, these old wounds are reopened when his next case involves another kidnapped girl. He searches for an elusive shadow man only he can see. Reality starts to blur as he stumbles across Paradise, a club where young girls are sold to the highest bidder. Joshi gets closer and closer to the missing girl, will he find his own daughter among them? Are the club and the shadow man real, or illusion? This movie has a great noir feel to it: the streets are drenched in rain, it's almost always night. You slowly learn about Joshi's loss and how it gutted his marriage. You also follow one of the kidnapped girls, forced to live with the other dancers while awaiting her turn. The film is never gratuitous or graphic, but the underlying fate of the girls is sadly very clear. The film moves in and out of perception and reality, with an ending that offers a glimmer of hope if you are inclined to look for it. An engrossing and powerful look at a very real problem in India. Rating: 4/5 dancers
Orion - (2015/USA/fantasy) A man wanders through a post apocalyptic landscape (filmed in Detroit of all places), following the constellation Orion. He stops at the tent of an old mystic, who is holding a woman prisoner. The mystics powers are very real, as the wanderer finds out when he tries to rescue the woman. their conflict ranges over the city through myth and mystery, until a final conflict which will prove whether the wanderer is the savior prophecy predicted... or just another victim. This is the perfect example of the gems you will find at Fantasia. Shot on a very low budget with an often confusing and hard to watch camera style, the film draws you in despite all that with a unique mythology and slow burning conflict. The backgrounds are amazing, especially considering they are the actual ruins of Detroit. Orion proves that a low budget film can still look amazing, if the vision of the director is strong enough. It broke my brain, in a good way. Rating: 4/5 trees (it makes sense if you see the movie)
Nina Forever - (2015/UK/horror-comedy) Rob is barely hanging on after his girlfriend Nina died in a car crash. Holly is drawn to Rob's grief and wants to comfort him, but there is a small problem: whenever Rob has sex, Nina appears in his bed, bloody and sarcastic, mocking both of them and utterly killing the mood. Holly and Rob try to make it work, but Nina will not go away, and all of them will have to eventually figure out how to move on. This is barely a horror film (bloody ghost notwithstanding) and only lightly a comedy. It's a moving, beautiful movie about grief and how to over come it. It's incredibly well put together for a independent film. Editing, sound, pacing, dialogue are all top notch. I was the only person of our crew to watch the movie, but by time I finished describing it everyone wished they say it. Do yourself a favor if it ever shows up on Netflix or at the Brattle: SEE IT! Rating: 5/5 bloody beds
Snow Girl and the Dark Crystal - (2015/China/fantasy) Demon hunter Zhong Kui has stolen the Dark Crystal from Hell at the behest of his master Zhang, a Heavenly official. Zhong must protect the crystal from demons until after Reincarnation Day, which will allow Heaven to triumph over Hell forever. The demons send Snow Girl and her minions to recover the Dark Crystal, which is complicated because Zhong and Snow Girl were once lovers. There are plans within plans, betrayals, love, and lots of fighting before all is said and done! I was expecting this to be more of a martial arts movie, but it's more a straight up fantasy. Lots of CGI creatures and effects (some better than others), and a story that is more complex than expected. It's a very light hearted movie with moments of tenderness and some good action scenes. A great way to start off our day! Rating: 4/5 crystals
Sunrise - (2014/India/drama) This is definitely not a Bollywood production! Inspector Joshi's daughter was abducted and never found, these old wounds are reopened when his next case involves another kidnapped girl. He searches for an elusive shadow man only he can see. Reality starts to blur as he stumbles across Paradise, a club where young girls are sold to the highest bidder. Joshi gets closer and closer to the missing girl, will he find his own daughter among them? Are the club and the shadow man real, or illusion? This movie has a great noir feel to it: the streets are drenched in rain, it's almost always night. You slowly learn about Joshi's loss and how it gutted his marriage. You also follow one of the kidnapped girls, forced to live with the other dancers while awaiting her turn. The film is never gratuitous or graphic, but the underlying fate of the girls is sadly very clear. The film moves in and out of perception and reality, with an ending that offers a glimmer of hope if you are inclined to look for it. An engrossing and powerful look at a very real problem in India. Rating: 4/5 dancers
Orion - (2015/USA/fantasy) A man wanders through a post apocalyptic landscape (filmed in Detroit of all places), following the constellation Orion. He stops at the tent of an old mystic, who is holding a woman prisoner. The mystics powers are very real, as the wanderer finds out when he tries to rescue the woman. their conflict ranges over the city through myth and mystery, until a final conflict which will prove whether the wanderer is the savior prophecy predicted... or just another victim. This is the perfect example of the gems you will find at Fantasia. Shot on a very low budget with an often confusing and hard to watch camera style, the film draws you in despite all that with a unique mythology and slow burning conflict. The backgrounds are amazing, especially considering they are the actual ruins of Detroit. Orion proves that a low budget film can still look amazing, if the vision of the director is strong enough. It broke my brain, in a good way. Rating: 4/5 trees (it makes sense if you see the movie)
Nina Forever - (2015/UK/horror-comedy) Rob is barely hanging on after his girlfriend Nina died in a car crash. Holly is drawn to Rob's grief and wants to comfort him, but there is a small problem: whenever Rob has sex, Nina appears in his bed, bloody and sarcastic, mocking both of them and utterly killing the mood. Holly and Rob try to make it work, but Nina will not go away, and all of them will have to eventually figure out how to move on. This is barely a horror film (bloody ghost notwithstanding) and only lightly a comedy. It's a moving, beautiful movie about grief and how to over come it. It's incredibly well put together for a independent film. Editing, sound, pacing, dialogue are all top notch. I was the only person of our crew to watch the movie, but by time I finished describing it everyone wished they say it. Do yourself a favor if it ever shows up on Netflix or at the Brattle: SEE IT! Rating: 5/5 bloody beds
Our merry band (Tony, Juliet, Mark, Amanda, and yours truly) traveled back to Canada for another year of Fantasia, the most wonderful Film Festival on Earth. It's been ages since I updated my journal, but I can't think of a better reason to return than to keep up my tradition of reviewing movies so here you go. We stayed at hotel A2K (dubbed A2M after reading the reviews), and while it was much nicer than expected, the service was very poor. The highlight of which involved my cot being removed from the room Saturday night!) Here's a breakdown of the movies, starting with Friday.
Cherry Tree - (2015/Ireland/Horror) Faith is dealing with her father's impending death from leukemia, but she soon faces a more harrowing crisis when her school hockey coach Sissy offers to cure her father, for a price. It turns out her coach is a witch, part of an ancient coven that once tried to overthrow Satan. Faith must bear a child for Sissy, which becomes part of a complicated plot to bring Hell to Earth, ruled by Sissy and her coven. There are several scenes in which I could imagine the Engineers from Cabin in the Woods hard at work to make the characters do the illogical things that only happen in horror movies (Walk into that spooky castle? Sure, why not?) The film has a strong female cast, and while witches are the enemy here, the visuals and imagery are new and disquieting. If you are easily squicked by centipedes, don't want this movie! The ending is a little disjointed, and the villains plan has far too many moving parts to it. Keep it simple, Sissy! It does "go places" I didn't expect, and the focus on practical effects is a nice touch. Cherry Tree had it's flaws, but was overall worth seeing. Rating: 3/5 pacts
Ava's Possessions - (2015/USA/horror-comedy) There are lots of films about daemonic possession, but almost none that deal with the aftermath. Enter, Ava's Possessions. It begins with Ava's return to awareness after a demon was driven out of her. Her battered and frightened family try to comfort her, but she is forced to deal with the legal and social crimes she committed while possessed (for a month!) She chooses to enter an AA like group for people who have been possessed, to strengthen themselves against future possession. While Ava is putting her life back together, she must solve the mysteries of the blood in her apartment, and the looming presence of the demon who wants her body back. The comedy in the movie is understated and sly, and it's approach on possession is unique. There are obvious parallels to alcoholism or other addictions, but the story is not as trite as that. It's not overly frightening either, and low on gore, the strength of the story is in the story telling and uncovering how Ava got in her predicament. This ended up being one of my favorite movies of the festival, and I highly recommend seeing it when you can. Rating: 5/5 Exorcists.
The Golden Cane Warrior - (2014/Indonesia/martial arts) Cempaka is the master of the Clan of the Golden Cane, and she taken in the children of her defeated foes to raise and train in her fighting style. The time has come for her to pass on the secret of their ultimate technique, and not everyone in the clan is happy with who is chosen as the successor. The successor must find the only other student who knows the ultimate technique to secure their position and defend themselves from their jealous clan mates (review kept vague for spoilery reasons). What makes this films stand out is the emphasis on female warriors (Cempaka is an older woman who kicks a lot of butt), the dazzling and not often seeing staff fighting at the center of the movie, and the beautiful sweeping shots of landscapes in between scenes. There are several amazing fight scenes that had the whole theater cheering (one of the best parts of Fantasia is the immersive fan experience). Rating: 4/5 canes
Shinjuku Swan - (2014/Japan/crime-drama) Sion Sono has become one of my favorite Japanese directors; everything I've seen from his crazy mind has been great: Suicide Club, Love Exposure, Cold Fish, all of these have played at the Festival and wormed their way into my heart. He specialized in misanthropic teenagers, weaving in violent or horror elements, with his own particular deviant energy. Shinjuku Swan is less about fantastic horror and more about very real horrors of the vice trade. A young man (Shiratori) is recruited to become a scout, who's job it is to recruit girls into working at massage parlors, sex clubs, and other red light district jobs. He struggles to rise in his agency, while battle rival agencies and dealing with threats from the Yakuza. Colorful characters abound on all sides as he Shiratori must deal with an enemy who he has no recollection of , but who remembers him all too well. It examines all different elements of the sex trade, and the different reasons girls get into it, choose to stay in it, or are forced to. There are many fantastical elements, and some achingly real ones. Sion's style is woven effortlessly through the entire movie, which will have you alternately laughing, cringing, and crying in rapid succession. This film topped the box office in Japan when it was released, for good reason. Rating: 4/5 "stars"
That's enough to chew on for now, more adventures to come tomorrow!
Cherry Tree - (2015/Ireland/Horror) Faith is dealing with her father's impending death from leukemia, but she soon faces a more harrowing crisis when her school hockey coach Sissy offers to cure her father, for a price. It turns out her coach is a witch, part of an ancient coven that once tried to overthrow Satan. Faith must bear a child for Sissy, which becomes part of a complicated plot to bring Hell to Earth, ruled by Sissy and her coven. There are several scenes in which I could imagine the Engineers from Cabin in the Woods hard at work to make the characters do the illogical things that only happen in horror movies (Walk into that spooky castle? Sure, why not?) The film has a strong female cast, and while witches are the enemy here, the visuals and imagery are new and disquieting. If you are easily squicked by centipedes, don't want this movie! The ending is a little disjointed, and the villains plan has far too many moving parts to it. Keep it simple, Sissy! It does "go places" I didn't expect, and the focus on practical effects is a nice touch. Cherry Tree had it's flaws, but was overall worth seeing. Rating: 3/5 pacts
Ava's Possessions - (2015/USA/horror-comedy) There are lots of films about daemonic possession, but almost none that deal with the aftermath. Enter, Ava's Possessions. It begins with Ava's return to awareness after a demon was driven out of her. Her battered and frightened family try to comfort her, but she is forced to deal with the legal and social crimes she committed while possessed (for a month!) She chooses to enter an AA like group for people who have been possessed, to strengthen themselves against future possession. While Ava is putting her life back together, she must solve the mysteries of the blood in her apartment, and the looming presence of the demon who wants her body back. The comedy in the movie is understated and sly, and it's approach on possession is unique. There are obvious parallels to alcoholism or other addictions, but the story is not as trite as that. It's not overly frightening either, and low on gore, the strength of the story is in the story telling and uncovering how Ava got in her predicament. This ended up being one of my favorite movies of the festival, and I highly recommend seeing it when you can. Rating: 5/5 Exorcists.
The Golden Cane Warrior - (2014/Indonesia/martial arts) Cempaka is the master of the Clan of the Golden Cane, and she taken in the children of her defeated foes to raise and train in her fighting style. The time has come for her to pass on the secret of their ultimate technique, and not everyone in the clan is happy with who is chosen as the successor. The successor must find the only other student who knows the ultimate technique to secure their position and defend themselves from their jealous clan mates (review kept vague for spoilery reasons). What makes this films stand out is the emphasis on female warriors (Cempaka is an older woman who kicks a lot of butt), the dazzling and not often seeing staff fighting at the center of the movie, and the beautiful sweeping shots of landscapes in between scenes. There are several amazing fight scenes that had the whole theater cheering (one of the best parts of Fantasia is the immersive fan experience). Rating: 4/5 canes
Shinjuku Swan - (2014/Japan/crime-drama) Sion Sono has become one of my favorite Japanese directors; everything I've seen from his crazy mind has been great: Suicide Club, Love Exposure, Cold Fish, all of these have played at the Festival and wormed their way into my heart. He specialized in misanthropic teenagers, weaving in violent or horror elements, with his own particular deviant energy. Shinjuku Swan is less about fantastic horror and more about very real horrors of the vice trade. A young man (Shiratori) is recruited to become a scout, who's job it is to recruit girls into working at massage parlors, sex clubs, and other red light district jobs. He struggles to rise in his agency, while battle rival agencies and dealing with threats from the Yakuza. Colorful characters abound on all sides as he Shiratori must deal with an enemy who he has no recollection of , but who remembers him all too well. It examines all different elements of the sex trade, and the different reasons girls get into it, choose to stay in it, or are forced to. There are many fantastical elements, and some achingly real ones. Sion's style is woven effortlessly through the entire movie, which will have you alternately laughing, cringing, and crying in rapid succession. This film topped the box office in Japan when it was released, for good reason. Rating: 4/5 "stars"
That's enough to chew on for now, more adventures to come tomorrow!
A perfectly me weekend: 2015 edition
Jun. 2nd, 2015 11:44 amFriday night I went to the ManRay 10 year reunions, where I talked with lots of old friends and made some new ones. The night devolved into the perfect storm of drinks and dancing, with conversations spun through as well and a complete absence of wistful gazing or pining. Sara and I stayed up afterward singing along to Rocky Horror and having more sangria until sleep claimed me around 4:30.
Saturday morning I showed up at 10:00 (on time!) to help Hyson move her belongings into Cris' apartment. I overestimated how fast our "professional" crew of moves could unload the truck, and underestimated how many books she owned. I was convinced at one point that Quang was just handing the boxes through a window back to Forest, creating an infinite loop of boxes. We finally go her move in, which left me plenty of time to shower and nap before driving to Salem to celebrate Johanna's doctorate degree. Hours sailed by as I talked with friend after friend, including one which I had a very turbulent relationship with. That was long in the past, and the two of us have moved on. I was also partially eaten by Tegin's baby Oden. What can I say? I'm tasty. I gave Jackie a ride home from the party, and it was only then that I learned one of the guests at the party worked on the special effects for Agents of SHIELD. I could have spent hours talking with her about the cast and crew, like Jackie did! *shakes fist, roars KHAN*
Sunday was very chill until I caught up on Game of Thrones at Michael's house. The problematic scene with Sansa seemed less dire on a second viewing. Thankfully I didn't give up on the show, because then I would have missed out on possible the best episode ever, "Hardhome." Everything about it was great, especially the last fifteen minutes or so. It was almost Fury Road awesome.
Today I follow up on some leads from the Reunion. I have one standing offer to hang out, and two other people to ask out to get to know better. It's something I'm long overdue to start doing again.
Oddly enough, not a single die or Warhammer figure was touched all weekend.
Saturday morning I showed up at 10:00 (on time!) to help Hyson move her belongings into Cris' apartment. I overestimated how fast our "professional" crew of moves could unload the truck, and underestimated how many books she owned. I was convinced at one point that Quang was just handing the boxes through a window back to Forest, creating an infinite loop of boxes. We finally go her move in, which left me plenty of time to shower and nap before driving to Salem to celebrate Johanna's doctorate degree. Hours sailed by as I talked with friend after friend, including one which I had a very turbulent relationship with. That was long in the past, and the two of us have moved on. I was also partially eaten by Tegin's baby Oden. What can I say? I'm tasty. I gave Jackie a ride home from the party, and it was only then that I learned one of the guests at the party worked on the special effects for Agents of SHIELD. I could have spent hours talking with her about the cast and crew, like Jackie did! *shakes fist, roars KHAN*
Sunday was very chill until I caught up on Game of Thrones at Michael's house. The problematic scene with Sansa seemed less dire on a second viewing. Thankfully I didn't give up on the show, because then I would have missed out on possible the best episode ever, "Hardhome." Everything about it was great, especially the last fifteen minutes or so. It was almost Fury Road awesome.
Today I follow up on some leads from the Reunion. I have one standing offer to hang out, and two other people to ask out to get to know better. It's something I'm long overdue to start doing again.
Oddly enough, not a single die or Warhammer figure was touched all weekend.
Summer is around the corner.
May. 22nd, 2015 02:10 pmI've been to two big tournaments in the past month. I did well at the first (which currently means I'm going to the Masters in Vegas next year) and so-so at the second, but it was a team event and ourteam took fourth place. More importantly they are all practice for my trip to Prague this summer. Plane tickets are bought,it is now a reality.
This weekend I'll be seeing Mad Max: Fury Road and Avengers: Age of Ultron both for the second time. I can't recall the last time I did something like that. Also there is the big cookout this weekend, kicking off the summer with sangria and celebration!
So, I really have to start getting out and meeting some new people, seeing some new faces. I've put off trying to have a relationship for a while, always some excuse that I was creating. Being alone is fine, but now I want something more. I'll be trying some new websites and getting out to more of the big social events I see on Facebook, but I have a request for anyone still reading this: If you can think of anyone who likes tall, dark, and handsome games, who love off-beat movies and dancing, or who are funny and fantasy-friendly, consider pointing them my way, or arranging an introduction. I'll be sure to thank you profusely if something works out!
This weekend I'll be seeing Mad Max: Fury Road and Avengers: Age of Ultron both for the second time. I can't recall the last time I did something like that. Also there is the big cookout this weekend, kicking off the summer with sangria and celebration!
So, I really have to start getting out and meeting some new people, seeing some new faces. I've put off trying to have a relationship for a while, always some excuse that I was creating. Being alone is fine, but now I want something more. I'll be trying some new websites and getting out to more of the big social events I see on Facebook, but I have a request for anyone still reading this: If you can think of anyone who likes tall, dark, and handsome games, who love off-beat movies and dancing, or who are funny and fantasy-friendly, consider pointing them my way, or arranging an introduction. I'll be sure to thank you profusely if something works out!
The Hard Sell
Apr. 17th, 2015 12:12 pmMy father is back on his religious kick. The only time he comes on line to talk to me anymore is to ask me if I've viewed the links he sent me about some miracle or the Holy Eucharist or whether I'm wearing the amulet and saying the prayer that will make guaranteed changes in my life. I've never been one for adornments: jewelry, piercings, I didn't even wear a watch. Getting in the habit of wearing an amulet and saying a prayer could be done mechanically, but what is the point of prayer if you don't believe what you are praying about?
I made it through about half an hour of the Evangelical speaker video, before I had to turn it off. My guts were churning and I was losing focus, and I don't have time to wrestle with that at work. Out of a sense of familial loyalty, I will try to listen to it again in 15 minute bursts. Just so I can say that I've given it a chance. Religion is a seductive thing. Sometimes it can sound very reasonable, and you can find miraculous things that seem scientifically impossible (assuming they are true). At the end of the day it seems to boil down to faith, to surrendering your agency and putting things in God's hands. I poured out a lot of hate and self-loathing when I was younger into God's hands, and things did not turn out all right. It took years of therapy and a near-death experience to turn me around to having faith in Me. My life has been slowly getting better day by day, month by month, because I've been loving myself more and more. Jesus had nothing to do with it, though if I did have faith I could say that God spared my life so I could make that change.
There are clearly things that happen that cannot be explained. Perhaps they are tricks, perhaps they are God, perhaps they are phenomenon that we lack the science to explain just yet.
The whole exchange really unsettled me, but this is good practice for acting on how I feel, and not reacting. Practice makes perfect.
I made it through about half an hour of the Evangelical speaker video, before I had to turn it off. My guts were churning and I was losing focus, and I don't have time to wrestle with that at work. Out of a sense of familial loyalty, I will try to listen to it again in 15 minute bursts. Just so I can say that I've given it a chance. Religion is a seductive thing. Sometimes it can sound very reasonable, and you can find miraculous things that seem scientifically impossible (assuming they are true). At the end of the day it seems to boil down to faith, to surrendering your agency and putting things in God's hands. I poured out a lot of hate and self-loathing when I was younger into God's hands, and things did not turn out all right. It took years of therapy and a near-death experience to turn me around to having faith in Me. My life has been slowly getting better day by day, month by month, because I've been loving myself more and more. Jesus had nothing to do with it, though if I did have faith I could say that God spared my life so I could make that change.
There are clearly things that happen that cannot be explained. Perhaps they are tricks, perhaps they are God, perhaps they are phenomenon that we lack the science to explain just yet.
The whole exchange really unsettled me, but this is good practice for acting on how I feel, and not reacting. Practice makes perfect.
These are some of the signs you are living in an euphoric state:
The cracking of pool balls as the bounce off another and into pockets, after playing several great games in a row.
The welcoming look in a young woman's eye that leads to a conversation which leads to wild dancing to a seldom heard Skinny Puppy song.
The all-swallowing blue sky, wind blowing across your skin as you open the windows for the first time in months and enjoy being out doors.
The feel of crushed velvet on your fingers, as you buy curtains for your room with an old friend and impress the cashier with your choice. The giddiness and humor that suffuses your whole day with him.
The scent of perfume on your skin (leather, rosewood, and tonka), on her skin, on the crushed velvet draped around you. The connection shared by you and others, old friends and new, the feeling of being exactly where you want to be and loving yourself down to the marrow of your bones. Soft touches, softer kisses, greeting the pale light of dawn.
Fantastic adventures lived with your mind, of battles won, and later watching similar adventures on TV with your friends, a leg draped across your lap and a glass of wine in your hands.
That last tired night, reconnecting with an even older friend, smiles and conversation. Being called out to dance, surrounded by friends and loved ones, loving life.
The cracking of pool balls as the bounce off another and into pockets, after playing several great games in a row.
The welcoming look in a young woman's eye that leads to a conversation which leads to wild dancing to a seldom heard Skinny Puppy song.
The all-swallowing blue sky, wind blowing across your skin as you open the windows for the first time in months and enjoy being out doors.
The feel of crushed velvet on your fingers, as you buy curtains for your room with an old friend and impress the cashier with your choice. The giddiness and humor that suffuses your whole day with him.
The scent of perfume on your skin (leather, rosewood, and tonka), on her skin, on the crushed velvet draped around you. The connection shared by you and others, old friends and new, the feeling of being exactly where you want to be and loving yourself down to the marrow of your bones. Soft touches, softer kisses, greeting the pale light of dawn.
Fantastic adventures lived with your mind, of battles won, and later watching similar adventures on TV with your friends, a leg draped across your lap and a glass of wine in your hands.
That last tired night, reconnecting with an even older friend, smiles and conversation. Being called out to dance, surrounded by friends and loved ones, loving life.
What I'm watching
Apr. 10th, 2015 05:14 pmI probably watch more TV now than I ever have in my life. That's probably because I was an avid comic book reader as a teen, and there are a ton of comic book TV shows on these days. Most of which I actually like! What's also helpful is having services like Netflix to watch old seasons, and Hulu to keep up with current ones on my schedule.
Arrow: Great fight choreography and production values, Oliver Queen feels a lot like Batman. They also have John Barrowman (Torchwood) as a recurring character, which is never bad. The series gets pretty melodramatic as it goes on, but it's exciting to see the DC Universe in a good light.
the Flash: everything I said about Arrow applies here, except Barry Allen feels more like Peter Parker. The overall tone is lighter and optimistic, though the show is getting a bit darker. While some characters are very annoying (Iris!) the rest of the support cast is excellent, and some great subtle nods to diversity (hello, gay police captain).
Gotham: I gave up on Gotham (despite adding Morena Bacharin). Too over the top, too much focus on irritating characters, too much time spent on young Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle. The premise was good, but the writing was not. It's a shame, beacuse the actors portraying Penguin and Ed Nigma were great.
Agents of SHIELD: So, I am very to the Whedon camp. That means I stuck around through several hit or miss episodes of Agents when it started. And I'm glad I did, because the end of the first half of the season it started to get good. Then halfway through the last season, it got REALLY good. (The show suffered because the Marvel Cinematic Univers is all tied together, and Agents had to hide certain information thas was revealed in a movie). Since they it's really come into its own and I look forward to each episode.
Constantine: I was skeptical, but it hit its stride early on, and was far darker and grim that anything I expected to see on NBC. It is probably cancelled, which is a shame because I was looking for a Sandman crossover at some point.
The 100: Battlestar Galactica with teens. That's enough to make a lot of you cringe, but by the fourth episode some very unexpected things happen. Lots of character progression, good effects, and (yes) cute people. It's binge worthy.
Bob's Burgers and Archer: Both funny cartoons, and I love H Jon Benjamin's voice.
Game of Thrones: Do I even need to explain why I like this? Does anyone not know about this?
Other shows I"m catching up on or just starting are Spartacus: Blood and Sand, and Daredevil.
Look, these reviews don't give the shows justice, and most of you are probably watching at least some of them already. The main point of all this is there is a lot of cool stuff on TV right now, and I like great fight scenes, hot people in moral crisis, and shouty humor.
See you Monday, if I survive the (literally) dozen things I have going on.
Arrow: Great fight choreography and production values, Oliver Queen feels a lot like Batman. They also have John Barrowman (Torchwood) as a recurring character, which is never bad. The series gets pretty melodramatic as it goes on, but it's exciting to see the DC Universe in a good light.
the Flash: everything I said about Arrow applies here, except Barry Allen feels more like Peter Parker. The overall tone is lighter and optimistic, though the show is getting a bit darker. While some characters are very annoying (Iris!) the rest of the support cast is excellent, and some great subtle nods to diversity (hello, gay police captain).
Gotham: I gave up on Gotham (despite adding Morena Bacharin). Too over the top, too much focus on irritating characters, too much time spent on young Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle. The premise was good, but the writing was not. It's a shame, beacuse the actors portraying Penguin and Ed Nigma were great.
Agents of SHIELD: So, I am very to the Whedon camp. That means I stuck around through several hit or miss episodes of Agents when it started. And I'm glad I did, because the end of the first half of the season it started to get good. Then halfway through the last season, it got REALLY good. (The show suffered because the Marvel Cinematic Univers is all tied together, and Agents had to hide certain information thas was revealed in a movie). Since they it's really come into its own and I look forward to each episode.
Constantine: I was skeptical, but it hit its stride early on, and was far darker and grim that anything I expected to see on NBC. It is probably cancelled, which is a shame because I was looking for a Sandman crossover at some point.
The 100: Battlestar Galactica with teens. That's enough to make a lot of you cringe, but by the fourth episode some very unexpected things happen. Lots of character progression, good effects, and (yes) cute people. It's binge worthy.
Bob's Burgers and Archer: Both funny cartoons, and I love H Jon Benjamin's voice.
Game of Thrones: Do I even need to explain why I like this? Does anyone not know about this?
Other shows I"m catching up on or just starting are Spartacus: Blood and Sand, and Daredevil.
Look, these reviews don't give the shows justice, and most of you are probably watching at least some of them already. The main point of all this is there is a lot of cool stuff on TV right now, and I like great fight scenes, hot people in moral crisis, and shouty humor.
See you Monday, if I survive the (literally) dozen things I have going on.
State of the Nation
Apr. 7th, 2015 01:09 pmAhem.
The snowiest winter in Boston on record is over. Yes, I do feel comfortable in saying that. It's official now because the ten foot wall of snow in the back of my driveway is gone, and I can drive out of it again. That freedom of mobility shines a light on how trapped or stuck I felt mentally, and how that too is changing with the warming weather.
Hobby wise this has been a great year for me. I've placed 12th and 2nd at two large Grand Tounnaments, both of which bode well for going to the US Masters next year. I will also be playing for the US team in Prague since one of the players will have to miss the event due to a wedding in the family. I will be missing a tournament at the end of September to attend a wedding as well, but I have no problem with that considering how awesome the couple is being married.
Work is work. A side effect of the therapy work I've been doing is detaching personal feelings from fixing work issues. Less getting angry or frustrated at not getting the answer, less turning their problem into proof of my own worth or value. The therapy has moved to a new stage, one that recognizes the very traumatic things that happened when I was younger, being mindful of how they make me feel, and having the compassion to forgive myself rather than punish. Each instance I revisit is another chance to reset how I feel about it and make positive connections. We are a collection of learned behaviors, and behaviors can be changed, with attention and time.
The goal for now is to write something on Friday to recap the week I'm going through, and on Monday to recap the weekend. Two updates a week is a pretty reasonable goal.
The snowiest winter in Boston on record is over. Yes, I do feel comfortable in saying that. It's official now because the ten foot wall of snow in the back of my driveway is gone, and I can drive out of it again. That freedom of mobility shines a light on how trapped or stuck I felt mentally, and how that too is changing with the warming weather.
Hobby wise this has been a great year for me. I've placed 12th and 2nd at two large Grand Tounnaments, both of which bode well for going to the US Masters next year. I will also be playing for the US team in Prague since one of the players will have to miss the event due to a wedding in the family. I will be missing a tournament at the end of September to attend a wedding as well, but I have no problem with that considering how awesome the couple is being married.
Work is work. A side effect of the therapy work I've been doing is detaching personal feelings from fixing work issues. Less getting angry or frustrated at not getting the answer, less turning their problem into proof of my own worth or value. The therapy has moved to a new stage, one that recognizes the very traumatic things that happened when I was younger, being mindful of how they make me feel, and having the compassion to forgive myself rather than punish. Each instance I revisit is another chance to reset how I feel about it and make positive connections. We are a collection of learned behaviors, and behaviors can be changed, with attention and time.
The goal for now is to write something on Friday to recap the week I'm going through, and on Monday to recap the weekend. Two updates a week is a pretty reasonable goal.
Too Much of a Good Thing
Jan. 13th, 2015 11:58 amXmortis was full of drinking and dancing, followed by more sing-alongs at home with my roommate.
I wasn't driving, so I had full liberty to cut lose. This sort of thing can be dangerous to my mood, and my mood was good overall. Recent events are making me re-evaluate how much I drink when I go out. There's a tendency to retreat in my head, and be oblivious to the world around me. My mood can also cataclysmically plummet if I start having a bad time. This prevents any meaningful social interaction, or recognizing social clues. It may be worth my while to cut back even on nights when I can cut loose, just so I can be more aware. I've been able to do that at prior club nights, so this is an easily achievable goal.
Started going through my closets to get rid of old or redundant clothing to make room for the new stuff. It's pretty hard to get rid of clothing, you guys. Growing up poor trained me not to abandon anything until it's falling apart. I still managed to throw some things in a bag. In a few days, I'll just grab the bag and drop it off at Goodwill.
While I've been going on a lot lately about how "Everything is Awesome" that's not to say that everything is effortless. I still wrestle with feelings about dating, and my biggest hobby is facing a revision that might entirely change the game, invalidating years of collecting and modeling. At this stage of the game, at least I'm wrestling with feelings and not being pinned by them. I'm also focusing on the short term regarding my hobby, and enjoying what I have while it's here.
I've gotten back to the gym two weeks running, kicked one annoying habit at work, and am readily mobile again. I might even back to some regular journaling, maybe once a week.
I wasn't driving, so I had full liberty to cut lose. This sort of thing can be dangerous to my mood, and my mood was good overall. Recent events are making me re-evaluate how much I drink when I go out. There's a tendency to retreat in my head, and be oblivious to the world around me. My mood can also cataclysmically plummet if I start having a bad time. This prevents any meaningful social interaction, or recognizing social clues. It may be worth my while to cut back even on nights when I can cut loose, just so I can be more aware. I've been able to do that at prior club nights, so this is an easily achievable goal.
Started going through my closets to get rid of old or redundant clothing to make room for the new stuff. It's pretty hard to get rid of clothing, you guys. Growing up poor trained me not to abandon anything until it's falling apart. I still managed to throw some things in a bag. In a few days, I'll just grab the bag and drop it off at Goodwill.
While I've been going on a lot lately about how "Everything is Awesome" that's not to say that everything is effortless. I still wrestle with feelings about dating, and my biggest hobby is facing a revision that might entirely change the game, invalidating years of collecting and modeling. At this stage of the game, at least I'm wrestling with feelings and not being pinned by them. I'm also focusing on the short term regarding my hobby, and enjoying what I have while it's here.
I've gotten back to the gym two weeks running, kicked one annoying habit at work, and am readily mobile again. I might even back to some regular journaling, maybe once a week.
The Year of Win begins
Jan. 9th, 2015 10:23 am2015 started in a fabulous way at the House of Exile, surrounded by great friends and good food. Since there there's been some good Warhammer games (really stepping up my game in the hopes of going to Prague), dancing, sushi, driving my new car, and a particularly dynamic Tarot reading from my roommate. When you start pulling cards that you never have before (and I've been getting reading from her for years), Change is definitely afoot. But don't take the cards word for it, my therapist will tell you the same thing. He was full of praise for me in my last session for making changes and learning from past mistakes. More importantly, I saw those changes too.
Here's to a new year!
Here's to a new year!
Last minute update!
Dec. 31st, 2014 09:32 pmI've had the new car for a month now, everything is still smooth sailing. I'm getting more compliments and greetings at work. Practice for the ETC and upcoming events is going smoothly. Nights out dancing are full of fun, sweat, and sexiness. After the long arduous rode of 2014, a road that I walked for the most part, I am driving again. If I started this earlier in the night, there would be a long introspective analysis of where I've been, and where I'm going. There's no more time for that now! There are parties to attend, dip to consume, drinks to imbibe, and laughs to be had. As Sterling Mallory Archer would say, "2015. WHOOOOO! LET'S DO THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS"
On the Road Again
Dec. 3rd, 2014 04:42 pmI felt a little sick getting on the train to Braintree yesterday. After ten months of waiting, some staggering large fees, and a last minute connection with Commerce Insurance, the time had finally arrived to pick up my new car. The original died a tragic, stupid death, and Nate told me only five of those cars existed in New England. I asked him to keep his eyes open while I sorted out other matters. One of those five cards showed up at the dealership, but I wasn’t able to pick it up. Then as I checked the Subaru website in November, another one showed up. Some hasty arrangements secured the car, and now I was going to get it.
My brain (never my best friend) was filled with questions: What if you forgot how to drive? Where if there is a problem at the dealership? What if you are too worried about being too worried to drive? (rumor has it that I over think things). Somewhere between getting picked up at Braintree and arriving in Hanover, the queasiness and worry started mixing with eagerness.
I got out of the car and saw it: the exact same car I used to own, same make, model, color, year, even the same extras. It stunned me a bit, the parking lot felt slightly less than real. The test drive proved that I remembered how to drive and didn’t get a panic attack. After that it was a matter of paper work, sitting, and questions (Did you know you can get a vortex generator for your car? It is nowhere near cool enough to deserve that name).
The dealer put the plates on the car, and it struck me how incredibly rare this was, one of those consciousness shifting jolts you feel down to the pit of your stomach. I could have died in that crash. My car was gone, and yet here it was again, as if I never left it. The sheer amount of luck, of probabilities lining up to put me and this car back into contact staggered me. Accompanying that was a deep sense of responsibility: it’s a miracle to be back in this vehicle, my son. Don’t blow it. There was one more feeling under that, which rose up in me as I drove home in the dark, country music on the radio (I felt like something different), sitting in the traffic and light snowfall. That feeling was gratitude. Thanking the universe for my second chance. Thanking myself for getting through all the hurdles and harsh life lessons to get to point. Thankful for my friends for their support.
My brain (never my best friend) was filled with questions: What if you forgot how to drive? Where if there is a problem at the dealership? What if you are too worried about being too worried to drive? (rumor has it that I over think things). Somewhere between getting picked up at Braintree and arriving in Hanover, the queasiness and worry started mixing with eagerness.
I got out of the car and saw it: the exact same car I used to own, same make, model, color, year, even the same extras. It stunned me a bit, the parking lot felt slightly less than real. The test drive proved that I remembered how to drive and didn’t get a panic attack. After that it was a matter of paper work, sitting, and questions (Did you know you can get a vortex generator for your car? It is nowhere near cool enough to deserve that name).
The dealer put the plates on the car, and it struck me how incredibly rare this was, one of those consciousness shifting jolts you feel down to the pit of your stomach. I could have died in that crash. My car was gone, and yet here it was again, as if I never left it. The sheer amount of luck, of probabilities lining up to put me and this car back into contact staggered me. Accompanying that was a deep sense of responsibility: it’s a miracle to be back in this vehicle, my son. Don’t blow it. There was one more feeling under that, which rose up in me as I drove home in the dark, country music on the radio (I felt like something different), sitting in the traffic and light snowfall. That feeling was gratitude. Thanking the universe for my second chance. Thanking myself for getting through all the hurdles and harsh life lessons to get to point. Thankful for my friends for their support.
Almost over
Dec. 1st, 2014 11:23 amMy ten month epic journey of carlessness has almost come to a close. Today I renewed my license, after coughing up a lot of cash to the state. Tomorrow morning I will re-open my auto insurance, and after that I will pick up my new car. Hooray for mobility! This will put me back in a fair bit of debt, but I can't complain. It's just something else to check off and deal with over time. Once this is past me, I can start making some other serious changes and continue my forward momentum.
Thanksgiving dinner was another success, all the food came together and the turkey once again fell off the bone. Most of the party wound down earlier than normal, but we still had a crew that played Cards Against Humanity until midnight or so. They managed to play through all the regular white cards and four expansions worth, a feat I'd never seen before! The rest of the holiday was spent doing absolutely nothing more strenuous than reading and watching TV. It was kind of glorious. My painting motivation is down; there are a lot of changes going on in Warhammer, very few of them positive. Hopefully things will shake out in the near future. If not, the good news is that if I sell all my armies I can jump right into a new hobby like golf. Ha.
I'm still working out, though sporadically. It would be good to have a workout buddy, or some other motivational source to keep me going. Vanity is less important when you are heading towards 50. Still, I look quite good for some one of my years!
So, as we move into the tail end of 2014, I replace one set of hurdles (legal) with another (financial), one within my power to deal with. I had a house filled with friends and family. I stand ready to close the year on a good note and move forward to something new and exciting. I might even write about it when it happens!
Thanksgiving dinner was another success, all the food came together and the turkey once again fell off the bone. Most of the party wound down earlier than normal, but we still had a crew that played Cards Against Humanity until midnight or so. They managed to play through all the regular white cards and four expansions worth, a feat I'd never seen before! The rest of the holiday was spent doing absolutely nothing more strenuous than reading and watching TV. It was kind of glorious. My painting motivation is down; there are a lot of changes going on in Warhammer, very few of them positive. Hopefully things will shake out in the near future. If not, the good news is that if I sell all my armies I can jump right into a new hobby like golf. Ha.
I'm still working out, though sporadically. It would be good to have a workout buddy, or some other motivational source to keep me going. Vanity is less important when you are heading towards 50. Still, I look quite good for some one of my years!
So, as we move into the tail end of 2014, I replace one set of hurdles (legal) with another (financial), one within my power to deal with. I had a house filled with friends and family. I stand ready to close the year on a good note and move forward to something new and exciting. I might even write about it when it happens!
Interesting times are interesting
Nov. 6th, 2014 04:34 pmI've resolved some long standing issues, and can now more forward with plans for a new car. I have one picked out, and will be able to pick it up at the end of November. At that point, life will be practically back to normal.
I turned 45 late in October, and remarked to several people that this is the happiest I've felt in my life. It only took 45 years to get here!
Just after my birthday, I went to a GT in Philly with my former ETC coach. Two other team mates were there. I placed 11th, ahead of one teammate and behind another and the captain. There's a pretty good chance that I will play for the USA team next year, which means going to Prague! That will be so sweet.
I know of a potentially interested party, but she lives out of state. Next time she comes up I'll see if she wants to get dinner before going out. It might be time to get into the paid dating site scene, but there are also Meet Up groups I could be attending.
The landlord has replaced our kitchen lights, and swapped oil heat for natural gas. He's currently putting in new storm windows on our floor. I suspect we may be priced out of our house in the next six months.
It may be worth it to force myself to write every three days, even if a little bit.
I turned 45 late in October, and remarked to several people that this is the happiest I've felt in my life. It only took 45 years to get here!
Just after my birthday, I went to a GT in Philly with my former ETC coach. Two other team mates were there. I placed 11th, ahead of one teammate and behind another and the captain. There's a pretty good chance that I will play for the USA team next year, which means going to Prague! That will be so sweet.
I know of a potentially interested party, but she lives out of state. Next time she comes up I'll see if she wants to get dinner before going out. It might be time to get into the paid dating site scene, but there are also Meet Up groups I could be attending.
The landlord has replaced our kitchen lights, and swapped oil heat for natural gas. He's currently putting in new storm windows on our floor. I suspect we may be priced out of our house in the next six months.
It may be worth it to force myself to write every three days, even if a little bit.
