(no subject)

or, How the rest of my trip is going.

I think the best part of my day was getting lunch. And even the bangers were dry.

First game v. dwarves. I get three flank charges off and fail to wound at all. 2 of the flankers are later broken ard run down. I only hit about 15% of the time.
Second game I win by capture all six objectives. My opponent is a woman who's played all of 2 times. All the satisfaction of winning is drained out of the game.
Third game v. dwarves again, and AGAIN my dice fail me. And his save him.
Fourth, game v. vampire counts. I watch myself get outfought, out magiced, out rolled.
I'm almost crying on the way home. All the pain is leaking over into different areas of my life.
I could just quit the tournament and drive home tomorrow, but that would give me 0% chance
of doing better. As opposed to the 1% chance I have now. I should probably be playing
the bottom of the rung people now you'd think id win but the dice will always betray me and now i
im typing on this shitty small imac keyboard this computer is crap. I can look forward to
coming home and feeling miserable,
then again on tuesday
and again on wednesday
I can't fathom how some of you people can always be happy. Do you know how lucky you are?
all of you? Some of you do realize it, and I'll envy you to the end of my days.
I can't stop writing embarassing things here.
I can't just let me feelings go
Im stuck stuck stuck stuck stuck stucksstuckstuck
Make it stop
make it go away
goaway
away
away

(no subject)

It's over.
Despite my better instincts, I went down and finished out the tournament. I finally had my cry on
the way down. Recovered in time to park, and go inside. Felt cleansed, empty, a little optimistic.
Then I realized I was playing Dwarves for the third time.

One loss later, I was eating shepherd's pie at the Wharf Rat. Again, the highlight of my day.

I also lost my last game in a spectacular way, failing to hit at ALL multiple times, and losing
three units in the very last round to Chaos Dwarves. The very army I got rid of because I was
doing so poorly at it.

And I can't even find out my overall score, they will have to mail it to me.

My record for the weekend was 1 and 5. My only win against a novice who's played 2 games with
their army. I've been playing for 5 years. It's just like the Jyhad thing, over and over.
It's time to give gaming a break. I can't stand to lose, I can't stomach it.

Anything else I look at or comment on now will just be tainted by my weekend. But I know there is more
more to go wrong this week. And when it does, you will all know, until you grow tired of reading
and remove me. I wouldn't blame you. I even encourage it. I'm sure I'll be writing more on why losing sucks so much, how it ties into my feeling of self worth, but that is for later. Because Imac keyborads suck.

Enough of this crappy keyboard. I'm going to get drunk and pass out. Tomorrow begins the day
long return, to more disappointment.