(no subject)

Sushi and birthdays and dancing dimly lit
Ending a LARP where the players all like it
New friends and dining, poetry readings,
These are a few of my favorite things...

The weekend was all I could have asked for and resonably expected to get. From Friday night til Monday night, there was a constant procession of good happenings: birthday dinners, sushi, after parties, the climactic game of the LARP which could have gone badly, but was salaveged by my efforts and the actions of some great parties, another GREAT birthday party, watching Blow on Easter (it's sacrilicious), reading parts of The Wasteland after dining with friends, and ending the weekend with another sushi dinner and cards (sweeping the table, I might add.) In days gone by I would cringe, fearing a karmic backlash and downswing. But I know better now. Good and bad all happen in their time, and oftentime the bad is not nearly as bad as you think it is.
I feel like there are changes in the works again. I'm having a better time communication and getting close to people. And enjoying every little bit of it. I'm not getting as spooked by people as I used to be, at least one or two in particular. I don't know if anything is changing in the department I most want change in, but I won't know that until it happens. Until that time, I just want to hang out with people more and relax with them. Share a joke. Discuss a movie or a book. Lie with my head on their shoulder and not worry about dating or genders or crossing boundaries. Sharing a moment. Soon it will be late spring and summer, and the breeze will blow through my front porch windows. I can sit on the porch and read as night descends, or climb out my back porch and lie down on the garage roof, and look up at the stars. I want to propose a stargazing expedition or two this summer, invite my friends to find a hilltop somewhere away from the lights, bring a bottle or wine or two, and just lie back and let the heavens spin over us.
This and more good things, will happen.

(no subject)

I'm leaving a soccor game with my mom, heading through the parking lot. There's lots of straw on the ground and people walking around in costumes. It's Halloween so this makes sense. I see two guys getting into their truck and pulling away in a screech of tires. Immediately I can tell something bad is about to happen. It's the same two assholes who were backstage fucking around during the show I was working on.
I grab my mother's arm and hurry us towards the car.
Just as we get to it their truck round the corner and fishtails into our car. Mom and I just get out of the way. The come pouring out, yelling and screaming. I grab one of them and subdue him, but the other grabs my mom. Standoff.
I scream at him to let her go, and he ignores me, thinking that I'll just back down and do anything to protect her. I bunch my fingers together and gouge out the eye of my captive, screaming that the other eye is next if he doesnt let her go. His face pales, fluid drips from my fingers, headlights from another car race at us full speed like their not going to stop the engire screams....

And I wake up.

Two restless hours turn and tossing at 2:30 in the morning. With the lights on, I dreadfully sink back to sleep

The rest of the day turned out much calmer than my dream, but lack of sleep and a disgusting lunch have taken their toll. I can't maintain a good night's sleep. Anything longer than 4 hours and I wake up, usually from a nightmare, sometimes just normally. This repeats itself 2=3 times a night before my alarm goes off. Perhaps the next time it happens I'll just stay up, watch TV, read, paint. Anything. If I could get away with only needing 4 hours of sleep that would be great.

Juding by how I feel today, I doubt that's the case.