After the storm, there is growth

[jchrisobrien]

It wasn't the best of times for my parents to visit. I've had a few recent setbacks in the world of dating, which was snowballing into an impressive pile of anger and frustration. The best thing you can do when one thing gets you down is to think about something else. Their visit was a good thing in that respect, even if I was crankier with them than I normally am. Compared to the fighting that went on in our family when I was younger, this wasn't even a spat.

Our visit was low key this year: the traditional trip to Rockport for lobster and ocean gazing, my traditional Good Dinner treat (back in the North End this year), and a number of movies. (Smokin' Aces and the Hurt Locker on blu-ray, and Inception at IMAX). Most years my mom wants to check out a beach, or small town. This year it was an Ikea! They are in the middle of renovating the kitchen, so were browsing for ideas. I got some ideas for some shelves and book cases. I was also cranky because I Keep. Forgetting. To Eat.

I also wanted to talk with them about some of my troubles, but in the end I didn't, except for a little talk as they were packing up. Mom continues to bring up the possibility of Asperger's Syndrome as a reason for my general social awkwardness. It still bothers me; I have relatives who have full blown autism, so my issues don't seem anywhere on that scale. In the end if I look for anyone for more counseling, I'll be sure to ask them about Asperger's. Can't hurt me, right?

Lipika's Rock Band training contniues. My padawan has shown enough promise to work up to medium on bass. Once she's ready for Muse, she'll be able to take the next step. I keep trying to make it back to Spin Jam, but I always manage to find some excuse not to go. Buckling down on that, on working out, it's a lot harder right now. One thing I can do, is make lists. I need to upgrade a few items at home. My alarm clock is the same one I had at Penn State, about twenty years ago. Little things I can do that create a sense of accomplishment, stuff that I can build on to get some momentum going in my life again.

Comments

[cayetana.livejournal.com]

Oy. Parents are not qualified to make that kind of diagnosis.

One thought is that if there's so much bonking around in your head and you're spending all this mental energy dealing with that, you will have less awareness for things outside. And someone might construe that as social awkwardness. You can think of it as a moment of awkwardness, something you do sometimes, rather than something you are.

[silas7.livejournal.com]

I yelled at her about it, which wasn't cool. I know I wasn't eating right all weekend, and I took a lot of that anger out at them. I did apologize, and they understood. Then they made me eat!

Just because I get a short fuse, doesn't mean I should use it as an excuse to be testy.

You're observation is right, I need to try to process that kind of stuff so I'm not carrying it around as much.

[prttyasacarcrsh.livejournal.com]

You were at Ikea and you didn't eat their meatballs? But they're soooo good!! The almond cake too-- scrumptious!

[silas7.livejournal.com]

You're right, I really should have eaten the meatballs. We were planning on going to Fuddruckers for burgers, but we just made it intime for the movie, so no food for me. Next time I won't skip out on the meatballs!

[prttyasacarcrsh.livejournal.com]

Aww! Seriously, I love their meatballs. Their food they sell in both the cafeteria and also take-home is surprisingly good. I can't wait for the Ikea to be built in Somerville (is that still happening?) Because well, I'll be eating Swedish a lot more (it's in my blood, my mom's part Swedish!)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_perihelion_/]

plus you got to hangout with and get drunk with the b'day boy this weekend. did you go home to your parents drunk? :)

[silas7.livejournal.com]

Yes, Lord Hobo and the Middle East were full of awesome. I did go home drunk, but they were already asleep.

Don't think I've forgotten about our plan to go to Dali's. Let's do this soon!

[nepenthedreams]

You don't strike me as someone with asperger's. I thought they were supposed to speak in a monotone and have no sense of social cues.

About the only asperger's quality you have (and heck most people I know have it) is the ability to obsess over certain topics.

[annabelle.livejournal.com]

i know a few people with asperger's and it's kind of not that easy to tell. the people i know who say they have it do not speak in monotone, though that might be true for other cases. they do have issues with social cues though and over a few different people i've seen a variety of ways that they deal with it - from withdrawing to trying to dominate any social situation so that they don't have to worry about not being able to follow.

as with anything, i guess there are degrees. i probably know people from the more functional side of asperger's.

[nepenthedreams]

Or maybe they don't have asperger's. It's not like there's a test that can be administered. I have seen it misdiagnosed in my own family (it's the new ADHD). And as a child, the nursery school decided *I* had autism (clearly not the case).

I think it's over-diagnosed and it's a convenient way to label kids/people with a disorder rather than working with their real issues.

Not that there aren't true cases of it - but I think at least some part of the huge growth in Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnoses is part our society's need to medicalize everything.

Also, I like the section further down on this page where he talks abotu teh probelm with labellign someone with asperger's is that it's like you're handing them their fate rather than giving them the keys to change (if they so wish).

http://www.salon.com/books/int/2008/05/20/American_nerd

[annabelle.livejournal.com]

it's definitely food for thought.

[scarletcarsen.livejournal.com]

In terms of food:
Carry around or have something easily accessible for snacking on during the day. I usually have nuts or a jar of Nutella. And yes, all just eat the Nutella right out of the jar. Whatever, it’s got iron, calcium and protein in it! By the way if you’ve never tried the stuff it tastes like chocolate.

Therapy: If anything, seeing a shrink may be a good idea if you have a lot of past depressive family woes, some need some new advice or if you just need to get stuff of your chest. I’m actually going to start seeing a social worker who specializes with people who have Asperger's. I don’t think I have it; but I’m giving her a shot as she treats depression and other stuff too. The first practice I went too sucked. The SS I had tried was unprofessional and was only in the office on Mondays. It may take some time but I hear they help in the long run. In any case, it may be worth it.