(no subject)

[jchrisobrien]

When people say you are trying too hard, that's not what they mean.
When peopel say you are looking too hard, that's not what they man.
What they really mean is, you want it too much.

How do you not want it too much?

I hope my dreams are more comforting than my reality tonight...

Comments

[loxocele.livejournal.com]

i think what they mean is, they are frightened.

no one likes to let other people down. somewhere, deep inside, we'd all rather make the people around us happy than not; it spares our friends pain and spares us the guilt - which is, of course, a powerful motivator (base though it may seem - but isn't instinct base to begin with?)

when someone is "trying too hard," or "wanting too hard" as you put it, sometimes people get uncomfortable. when? when they can't relate, when they can't return the amount of intensity they are given. why? well, no one wants to feel like they're not living up to expectations, for starters - even if those expectations aren't ones they themselves hold. no one really enjoys letting people down, or having to say, "sorry, look somewhere else" - all of which can make anything percieved as an overwhelming amount of need pretty scary, esp. when the observer knows there's nothing they can do.

as i said the other night, this may all sound trite coming from someone who hasn't been in your posistion for a few years...who's infact been in the *opposite* posistion for a while...but food for thought, at any rate.

i wish you peace, still.

Re:

[silas7.livejournal.com]

Intense emotions are scary.

I imagine it does make them uncomfortable, or frightened.

I still don't know why they are frightened or not interested in the first place. That sounds arrogant, but hey: arrogance is better than sniveling and self pity.

There's no real answer for why things don't work out: there could be factors on their side, not being ready for a relationship. They should simply not be inspired or attracted. They could be looking for something different.

That doesn't make the frustration go away, though maybe it should. One just has to not dwell on
(thanks very much for writing!)

it, let the feeling and emotions go.

Or some such crap like that. Argh.

Well, I'll have more time to ponder this tomorrow, if this blizzard they are calling for really hits us.

Wishing you peace and happiness back,

[(Anonymous)]

It sounds like you have a habit of falling in love with your friends. I don't blame you, when you spend time with a great person, an attraction will often develop. Nevertheless, it sounds like you could do with a few more adventures of your own before you look for love. It hardly ever happens when you're looking, but if you're lonely, it's hard not to. You will find love, but don't keep looking out of the corner of your eye for it. Maybe it would be worthwhile to broaden your circle of friends, go to some new places alone, etc. Love is never who or what you expect it to be...

Re:

[silas7.livejournal.com]

I certainly could do with some more adventures! My own bad habit is approaching every potential relationship as if it were marriage. Will I be happy with this person for the rest of my life? This is something I really, really, need to squash, as it may be preventing me from having some adventures. People who might be into something casual with me could see this intensity and get scared away by it.
And hell yes, it is hard to NOT look. Hard to remain calm when you turn the corner and are introduced to some amazing person by your friend.
It's been suggested that I broaden my horizons and go to other venues. I've considered it too. I guess I stay territorial because I feel I'll find someone who has more in common with me by going to my usual haunts. I don't want to have to get into big arguments defending how I can listen to Skinny Puppy, etc.
Sadly, if love is never what I expect it to be, than what I'm looking for or drawn to will never be mine? I can't accept that. There are plenty of people who get what they are looking for. I shouldn't be any different. :)

[(Anonymous)]

I certainly believe people often get what they are looking for in love, only I think it doesn't often look exactly the way you thought it would. I'm not saying that you should necessarily stray from your type, but if you find someone who is wonderful in lots of ways, arguments over Skinny Puppy will be amusing and irrelevant. Sure, you want to have things in common with the person you're dating, but it does not all come down to music and movie taste (though there is a limit-- I'm sure you wouldn't want to date the president of Backstreet Boys' Fan Club). Sometimes it's nice to have someone introduce you to new things. In any case, good luck. I'm sure you'll find someone that will make you happy. Best wishes. :-)