Put up your dukes

[jchrisobrien]

Last night DarkAngel was playing in the front room of ManRay, and I danced to it. As I listened to the lyrics I only come here bringing peace it reminded me of the time when I heard this song, and got into a brawl with some tourist. The first fight I'd been since since I stop taking martial arts, with me 4 years out of shape, not having thrown one punch or kick.
I while back a friend of mine almost got into a fight when leaving ManRay. And just the other day, another friend narrowly avoided a confrontation while going to the movies.
In their cases, they walked away from the issue, no fighting occurred.
Conventional wisdom says that the bigger thing to do is to walk away from the fight. Don't validate their position, don't start the cycle of revenge, don't stoop to their level.
What conventional wisdom doesn't deal with is how to handle the feelings you have afterwards. The inadequacy because you backed down to someone. The fear that you aren't able to defend yourself. The rage that you have to let some ass hole spew his venom and stupidity.
I think everyone should get into at least two fights in their life. One of them you should lose. This shows you that not matter how good you are in martial arts or boxing or whatever, that you aren't invincible. You also experience the reality of being hit; it's not a shock to you anymore. You survive the fight and know you can take it. The other fight you should win. This shows you that you aren't a victim, that you can defend yourself. And it shows you that you CAN win a fight. So that you don't have to get into a fight to defend your manhood, or your pride. That you don't have to get into another fight.

Comments

[kwigz.livejournal.com]

i used to work at man ray back in the 80's. :o)

[lizerk.livejournal.com]

I was a bouncer there in the Fall / Winter of '98...! I bet it was cool there in the 80's!!!

Re:

[kwigz.livejournal.com]

i worked there a wee bit after the hey day, but i did hang out there when the now "retro" stuff was current! :o)

[lizerk.livejournal.com]

Wow, how COOL! I've always been into the house / trance / dance stuff in the front, but I like being wisked away to my "early days" via the back room...

I bet you were probably there when ManRay and Campus were two separate venues...!! That's so awesome! I was living in NY and about 9 years old back then...

Okay...

[lizerk.livejournal.com]

So this weekend I'm gonna kick yer ass...! ; )

Seriously, though. You bring up a good point. I've been in similar situations, except the few times I've had it come up in the last year, which I don't know why that is, but they were in clubs, I just walked away.

After I simmered down, I was glad I didn't throw punches. I'd think about the people later and I ended up feeling sorry for them.

[aidenraine.livejournal.com]

For some reason this reminds me of how many people I know beat up themselves.

I am afraid to hit people... really afraid to cross that line because if I let myself go that far, I'd probably lose control.

But I'd rather hit someone else than hurt myself.

When I'm angry, I almost always turn it outwards. I don't know, just rambling

Re:

[silas7.livejournal.com]

Better to turn it outwards, than inwards, I think.

[spriggan.livejournal.com]

yeah, i know that feeling... it is especially bad when something happens to someone i am with, like jen. even tho she would not appreciate it if i started a fight to 'defend her honor' or something, and i know that, and abhor real-life violence anyway, i still get the urge to put all that tae kwon do i took when i was younger to bad use.

i think there should be a third fight, but this one you just have to watch. and it needs to be between two people that you love, and afterwards, they don't make up, and you have to live with it. this would be to teach you that fights are just fucking stupid in general.

Re:

[silas7.livejournal.com]

Yes, they certainly are. :(

[sherahi.livejournal.com]

I've always just wanted a couple guys to get in a fight over me...:)

my .02 on fights/fighting

[(Anonymous)]

I studied martial arts (Okinawan mostly) for about nine years. My sensei (teacher) was very clear on one point. He couldn't stress enough that the only time that fighting is appropriate is when it is a life and death situation, and you should defend yours and your loved one's lives. But in the rare situation that you have to fight because of the above, fight like hell. There is no room to lose here.

Most, if not all other type of situations where someone is just itching to start a fight can be avoided. Just think of the intellect level of that person. They are not hard to out think, then walk away.

./hadley