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Jul. 11th, 2003 12:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jchrisobrienIt's been a loooooooooooooooooooong day of packing. My brains hurts, for several reasons. My body is lethargic and just the slightest bit achy. The less said about the spirit the better. As we all know, the spirit doesn't exist. Or something.
Fortune has begun to smile on many people in my life. *takes a deep breath* I'm happy for them, I am. It's good to see people triumph over adversity and return to a level of stability and happiness in their lives.
For the first time in a while, I'm feeling cautious about what I put in here. There's been something bugging me for a long time, and it's reached the point where I can't ignore it. But I'm not in the right frame of mind to talk about it. I'm concerned about where it could go, and what it could lead to. And tonight is not the time to get into it. Perhaps I'll go into more detail with some of you about it in private.
My roommate, who's too cool for school, told me this: "Whenever I get envious of the awesome improv some of my friends are doing, I try to let their performance inspire me, instead of bringing me down." It's good advice. I'd like to be able to follow it.
Fortune has begun to smile on many people in my life. *takes a deep breath* I'm happy for them, I am. It's good to see people triumph over adversity and return to a level of stability and happiness in their lives.
For the first time in a while, I'm feeling cautious about what I put in here. There's been something bugging me for a long time, and it's reached the point where I can't ignore it. But I'm not in the right frame of mind to talk about it. I'm concerned about where it could go, and what it could lead to. And tonight is not the time to get into it. Perhaps I'll go into more detail with some of you about it in private.
My roommate, who's too cool for school, told me this: "Whenever I get envious of the awesome improv some of my friends are doing, I try to let their performance inspire me, instead of bringing me down." It's good advice. I'd like to be able to follow it.
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Date: 2003-07-11 07:42 am (UTC)it is good advice. but it's funny how the things that you love doing can become a source of competition/pain/self destruction. Dancing can be like that for me sometimes. Sometimes I'm cool with my current level and limitations and even proud of where I've gotten and don't mind that there will always be people who will be better at middle eastern dance than I am. Other days it eats at me like poison that a certain classmate can do something better than me or that realistically speaking I will never be top level at this (and I won't even go into the frustration of my foot injury). I try to remember what I enjoy about what I am doing and remind myself that it is for me, not for the sake of impressing anybody else, that I am doing all this. Nobody is grading me or demanding any more of me than I want to give. And sometimes that works, and sometimes I can look at a classmate and take inspiration from her, especially when we're working on troupe material. Those are very zen-like peaceful moments :)
somewhat insanely I have decided to enter a student competition in the fall. On the one hand, I feel like getting up on stage and not embarrassing myself will be as good as winning, and on the other hand, I know I'll be dreadfully disappointed if I don't even place. I hope my psyche survives.