Mr. 44

Taking a moment to reflect on my birthday. I feel good, no. I feel great. The outpouring of well wishes has been amazing. The surprise presents in the mail were also nice. But those weren't the reasons that I'm so happy today. When I woke up this morning, I had a resolution: come what may, I would enjoy this day and be happy. Any work stress that arose was put aside and worked through. Tonight there will be a small birthday dinner, followed by dancing and drinks and all the love that flows from them. When I was at Sin-O-Matic Saturday, having braved the lack of parking and exorbitant parking costs, I could feel a dark cloud forming in my head. It's happened countless times before, and it would wash over men and I'd fall into a funk that lasted the evening. My discussions with my doctor have been fruitful. Recognizing the feeling for what it was, I sought out an old friend at the bar. I was going to asking him advice and strategies for talking to people, flirting, and gaining their interest. Instead of advice, he told me how he envied the connections I had with people, admired my own youth and attitude, and talked about his own fears. I sat and listened, giving support instead of taking it. After that discussion I returned to the dance floor with a passion for the rest of the night. Near the end of the night two girls pulled me aside to say they had noticed me, here and at other nights. Later on, a third girl beckoned me to sit by her, and we had a short but intimate conversation. It was a girl I was too shy to talk to at the start of the night. The next time I see here, there will be no need for shyness. The point of all this? I am often at my best, my truest self, when I am dancing and doing the things that I love. Those are the times when people will take notice, and they do. I have a hopefulness now that I haven't had in a long time. I will continue to do the things I love, for in the end that is what will save me from the dark times. Lay down your dagger, your dark thoughts. Walk on to the dance floor, and give yourself over to it. Dance. Be free. Live. And from that, love will come.