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I should have brought my laptop to work today, since my boss decided not to come in, and this is the last day of the holiday shutdown at Sonus.
If how your spend your NYE is how your year will be, then I'm already looking forward to 2005. Anxiety, depression, and mental exhaustion were the three major moods of the evening. There were also some good times, but even those weren't as good as in the past. The night started Surreal, but I was too stressed to really enjoy it, so I cut out early. A little invisibility would be handy at times like that, when you want to disappear but not make a scene. By the time I reached my second stop, I was warmly greeted (despite being relatively unknown) and felt a little better. Events conspired to make me nervous and confused again, so I made my exit shortly after midnight. Had I stayed, I probably would have had a good time, which counts for something. I could finally relax and settle down by the last stop of the night. It was nice, but the day after was dreadful. I sat as a spectator, listening to the conversation in the rest of the room, content saying nothing and knowing that no one minded.
Which brings me to today. Plans are all laid out for the weekend, but I'm feeling discontent again. Once more I'm faced with overlapping choices. I'm beginning to feel stuck in a rut, not making progress. I don't have much idea what to do to change that, or what to discard. But something will have to change, and soon.
If how your spend your NYE is how your year will be, then I'm already looking forward to 2005. Anxiety, depression, and mental exhaustion were the three major moods of the evening. There were also some good times, but even those weren't as good as in the past. The night started Surreal, but I was too stressed to really enjoy it, so I cut out early. A little invisibility would be handy at times like that, when you want to disappear but not make a scene. By the time I reached my second stop, I was warmly greeted (despite being relatively unknown) and felt a little better. Events conspired to make me nervous and confused again, so I made my exit shortly after midnight. Had I stayed, I probably would have had a good time, which counts for something. I could finally relax and settle down by the last stop of the night. It was nice, but the day after was dreadful. I sat as a spectator, listening to the conversation in the rest of the room, content saying nothing and knowing that no one minded.
Which brings me to today. Plans are all laid out for the weekend, but I'm feeling discontent again. Once more I'm faced with overlapping choices. I'm beginning to feel stuck in a rut, not making progress. I don't have much idea what to do to change that, or what to discard. But something will have to change, and soon.
