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I played a game of Warhammer 40k with my friend Mike, who I hadn't seen in a while. We approach the game in the same way, opting for things that we find interesting and neat rather than particularly effective. We're both good painters, so when I broke out my Tyranids and he brought his camouflaged Tau, it made for a beautiful fight to watch.
Unfortunately, I misjudged how long it took to play the game, as was unable to get over to Spriggan's in time for Angel watching. I rushed through the end of my game, and rushed getting dressed. I felt bad about hurrying Mike, canceling on Spriggan... I almost talked myself into staying home entirely, but went out. Staying home would have just entailed more brooding, while going out only signified the possibility of brooding.
I tried as hard as I could to feel better, to center my thoughts, to relax and focus on the positive, but it all melted through my fingers. I eventually made it into the club (late). Everybody noticed that I was on edge. After passing on a few good songs, I started to dance. Got through two songs, nursed a second drink, then went back out.
And it happened. One song became two, which became three. My body loosened up, my thoughts vanishes, I was movement and fluid and breaky. I tried new things. I finally relaxed, and by the time I stopped to talk outside the floor again, I was relaxed. I had changed my dour mood to a calm, happy state. All by myself.
Over and over I hear that I am too hard on myself, I'm the biggest obstacle to my being happy. People are right in saying so. Tonight was a small step in me realizing that if I'm the cause of my distress, I can be the cure for my distress as well. Here's hoping that this lesson will take root and flourish in the oncoming weeks.
Unfortunately, I misjudged how long it took to play the game, as was unable to get over to Spriggan's in time for Angel watching. I rushed through the end of my game, and rushed getting dressed. I felt bad about hurrying Mike, canceling on Spriggan... I almost talked myself into staying home entirely, but went out. Staying home would have just entailed more brooding, while going out only signified the possibility of brooding.
I tried as hard as I could to feel better, to center my thoughts, to relax and focus on the positive, but it all melted through my fingers. I eventually made it into the club (late). Everybody noticed that I was on edge. After passing on a few good songs, I started to dance. Got through two songs, nursed a second drink, then went back out.
And it happened. One song became two, which became three. My body loosened up, my thoughts vanishes, I was movement and fluid and breaky. I tried new things. I finally relaxed, and by the time I stopped to talk outside the floor again, I was relaxed. I had changed my dour mood to a calm, happy state. All by myself.
Over and over I hear that I am too hard on myself, I'm the biggest obstacle to my being happy. People are right in saying so. Tonight was a small step in me realizing that if I'm the cause of my distress, I can be the cure for my distress as well. Here's hoping that this lesson will take root and flourish in the oncoming weeks.
