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Apr. 20th, 2001 03:00 pmWell, after a vigours night of dancing at ManRay, I managed to get 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep, nightmare free... before I woke a hour before my alarm. But hey, that's progress.
Yesterday was the Orb show at Avalon. Avalon is a FANTASTIC club. Lots of space, lots of small rooms and levels each with it's own bar and sitting spaces, a huge dancefloor with incredible lights and sound. Now if they only had decent music there instead of crappy house... But tonight they did have better music in the form of the Orb.
I haven't listened to a lot of Orb material (outside of UFOrb and Little Fluffy Clouds) but what I heard was very good. However, as I was standing around waiting for them to play for about 3 hours, when the slower stuff came on I did yawn a few times.
Last night the sleeplessness and nightmares returned. The theme? Envy.
Those who's ears I've bent on my current plight have told me that these things have to run their course. Perhaps in a few weeks I'll be back to normal. Things could be worse. The part I hate the most is the downward spiral. When I get tired, I don't get cranky, I get depressed. All the shadows get longer, situations more hopeless, I forget the good that is going on and focus on the bad. Most of what brings me down is self-cretaed drama and doubts. When I'm more awake and alive, I don't dwell on them as much, and they lose much of their power. But now I am tired, pulling myself through the day inch by inch, until I can go home, tie up another hobby of mine (Mat's table top game) and grab some much desired, yet unsatisfying sleep.
There were a few fleeting moments of happiness this week. One involved someone I've admired from afar approaching me at ManRay, asking me some questions about a song that just played (which I could answer). That night I shared a long hug with a friend of mine, bodies pressed together, her head nestled on my shoulder. Human contact, the sensation of touch, is an underrated experience. Like taste, touch requires contact with someone, it bridges the distance betweeen two things. After spending so much time reading things or listening, enjoying others company but being alone, the ability to touch someone is enormously comforting.
Oh baby please don't cry
And try to keep
Your little head upon my shoulder
now go to sleep
"Loom of the Land" Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Yesterday was the Orb show at Avalon. Avalon is a FANTASTIC club. Lots of space, lots of small rooms and levels each with it's own bar and sitting spaces, a huge dancefloor with incredible lights and sound. Now if they only had decent music there instead of crappy house... But tonight they did have better music in the form of the Orb.
I haven't listened to a lot of Orb material (outside of UFOrb and Little Fluffy Clouds) but what I heard was very good. However, as I was standing around waiting for them to play for about 3 hours, when the slower stuff came on I did yawn a few times.
Last night the sleeplessness and nightmares returned. The theme? Envy.
Those who's ears I've bent on my current plight have told me that these things have to run their course. Perhaps in a few weeks I'll be back to normal. Things could be worse. The part I hate the most is the downward spiral. When I get tired, I don't get cranky, I get depressed. All the shadows get longer, situations more hopeless, I forget the good that is going on and focus on the bad. Most of what brings me down is self-cretaed drama and doubts. When I'm more awake and alive, I don't dwell on them as much, and they lose much of their power. But now I am tired, pulling myself through the day inch by inch, until I can go home, tie up another hobby of mine (Mat's table top game) and grab some much desired, yet unsatisfying sleep.
There were a few fleeting moments of happiness this week. One involved someone I've admired from afar approaching me at ManRay, asking me some questions about a song that just played (which I could answer). That night I shared a long hug with a friend of mine, bodies pressed together, her head nestled on my shoulder. Human contact, the sensation of touch, is an underrated experience. Like taste, touch requires contact with someone, it bridges the distance betweeen two things. After spending so much time reading things or listening, enjoying others company but being alone, the ability to touch someone is enormously comforting.
Oh baby please don't cry
And try to keep
Your little head upon my shoulder
now go to sleep
"Loom of the Land" Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
