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jchrisobrienI had a damn good night out at Ceremony.
The music flowed like wine at some points, and I felt my reserves tested. But I stuck it out, through some new and some old music (Supernaut! Dig it!)
There was some awkwardness, but a lot of goodness too. And a nice bit of alchemy performed on the way home. The transmogrification of a moody, depressing song into a joyful thing. Or if not joy, there was appreciation for the music itself, w/out succumbing to the sentimentality of the song. Which song? I want something I can never have.
My current CD rotation in the Esteem consists of:
Velvet Acid Christ - Church of Acid
Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine
Ministry - The Land of Rape and Honey
Mindless Faith - Manifest Destiny (damn good)
Fleshfield - Belief Control
Skinny Puppy - Mind the Perpetual Intercourse
This year has been disintegrating since late October. Friendships seem to hang by a thread. My life has taken some hard hits. I've been seduced down some self destructive paths. I want to thank those of your who reached out and helped. And I want you to know. That thought I may seem cold, aloof, or troubled, that I'm still your friend. From those of you I don't know well to those that I know very well. I'm sailing some rough waters, and walking some lonely paths. But in the end, you have to walk by yourself and discover things on your own. You can have lots of help (I know I do) and lots of people who love you (I know this too) but in the end, in the very end, you must reduce yourself to nothing before you can see and know yourself, and then come back from that point, with your knowledge, your worth known in the fabric of your bones.
I'm in a dark place overall right now. I'm submerged. But I will come to the light soon enough. Knowing that I have a lot of you out there pulling for me. And knowing that I'm there for me as well.
The music flowed like wine at some points, and I felt my reserves tested. But I stuck it out, through some new and some old music (Supernaut! Dig it!)
There was some awkwardness, but a lot of goodness too. And a nice bit of alchemy performed on the way home. The transmogrification of a moody, depressing song into a joyful thing. Or if not joy, there was appreciation for the music itself, w/out succumbing to the sentimentality of the song. Which song? I want something I can never have.
My current CD rotation in the Esteem consists of:
Velvet Acid Christ - Church of Acid
Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine
Ministry - The Land of Rape and Honey
Mindless Faith - Manifest Destiny (damn good)
Fleshfield - Belief Control
Skinny Puppy - Mind the Perpetual Intercourse
This year has been disintegrating since late October. Friendships seem to hang by a thread. My life has taken some hard hits. I've been seduced down some self destructive paths. I want to thank those of your who reached out and helped. And I want you to know. That thought I may seem cold, aloof, or troubled, that I'm still your friend. From those of you I don't know well to those that I know very well. I'm sailing some rough waters, and walking some lonely paths. But in the end, you have to walk by yourself and discover things on your own. You can have lots of help (I know I do) and lots of people who love you (I know this too) but in the end, in the very end, you must reduce yourself to nothing before you can see and know yourself, and then come back from that point, with your knowledge, your worth known in the fabric of your bones.
I'm in a dark place overall right now. I'm submerged. But I will come to the light soon enough. Knowing that I have a lot of you out there pulling for me. And knowing that I'm there for me as well.
