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jchrisobrienSigh, only one more week of Buffy and Angel. One more week til my sushi dinner!
I was thinking about ending earlier in the day, and about change. People say they like change, that change is good. How can they be so afraid of it then?
Change is a scary thing. It's uncomfortable, shakes us out of a comfortable routine. We can't predict how it will come out, where it goes. It means things are becoming something different. Sometimes it means things end. Your favorite style of music? It will go out of vogue. Your favorite TV show? It will end. Your friends? They will change over time. Some you will just lost touch with, others will disagree with you. Fights start, your friendship comes to an end.
As there are endings, so there are beginnings. A new friend, a new TV show, another style of music. Sometimes it means you are ready for a change, to become something new yourself. Other times, it's just chance, dumb luck. I don't say Fate. That would imply destiny, preordination. The presence of some kind of God.
My parents would say that my years away from Church has dulled my faith in God. If I'm out of his presence, not thinking about my faith, not seeking him out, then I'm distancing myself from him. But the more I look around me, the more I think all religion, any religion, is just a fiction. Mythologies borrowed from each other, a dash of magic to imply there's hope, the promise of an afterlife to lead us through drudgery, the threat of damnation to keep us in line. All pretty stories, but in the end just that. Fiction.
Right, Chris. Stay on topic. Endings, beginnings, change.
Want something to change, and it won't happen. Try to make it happen, and you become the obstacle that prevents it. Just sit back and hope it will happen? Keep sitting my friend. Wait for Godot. Bring a Bible to read. It may not be real, but hey it's long.
We all want to hold onto things, to make them happen, to find a bubble of happiness that we can hold onto and presever like a glass ornament. We wish the things that make us happy would never end, that even if your day was shitty and banal beyond belief, you can count on coming home, turning on the TV, and losing your worries while watching the worries of others. Or their triumphs. It's not about escaping, fleeing from the world around you. It's about letting your troubles down for a while and enjoying yourself.
Rambling again. Stop it!
We can tape shows, take pictures of our friends to remind us of happy times, listen to Skinny Puppy long after the band has split up and died and all but vanished from the minds of modern clubgoers. The world will move on around us, and the best way to enjoy it is to move on with it. Be open to new things, check out other places.
Why is all this coming out now? Am I ready for something new? I'm certainly ready for some changes, been ready for a while now. I was hoping to leave room in my life for other things besides my hobbies, gaming. A new interest? A new hobby? A new someone? Gods, it's been long enough for that. Passion. That's what I'm missing. I'm a passionate person, be it with friends or dancing or music (playing not listening to) or acting or gaming. Everything I do is passionate. When I fall for someone I do so hard. It's not something I do often, but every so often someone gets inside me and I dare to hope. It feels like once I make that connection, that will be it. That's the person I'll be with forever. That doesn't leave a lot of room for casual dating.
Can I let that go? Can I not care as much about things, become less intense and relaxed, go-with-the-flow guy? Intensity has been good for getting me a lot of pain and rejection. Holding onto things, overanalyzing (kinda like now). Maybe it's not my intensity that I have to let go, but my self... in a sense. All the things that I want so much I have to let that desire for them go.... hollow myself out like a shed snake skin to blow in the breeze, vomit out my insecurities, rinse my mouth with some clean water, and lie back. In that field, under the stars, feeling the immensity of the earth at my back, while my eyes fall and fall into the dark all - encompassing star filled sky.
Then, and only then, will you be the One, Neo.
Alright wiseass, time for bed.
I was thinking about ending earlier in the day, and about change. People say they like change, that change is good. How can they be so afraid of it then?
Change is a scary thing. It's uncomfortable, shakes us out of a comfortable routine. We can't predict how it will come out, where it goes. It means things are becoming something different. Sometimes it means things end. Your favorite style of music? It will go out of vogue. Your favorite TV show? It will end. Your friends? They will change over time. Some you will just lost touch with, others will disagree with you. Fights start, your friendship comes to an end.
As there are endings, so there are beginnings. A new friend, a new TV show, another style of music. Sometimes it means you are ready for a change, to become something new yourself. Other times, it's just chance, dumb luck. I don't say Fate. That would imply destiny, preordination. The presence of some kind of God.
My parents would say that my years away from Church has dulled my faith in God. If I'm out of his presence, not thinking about my faith, not seeking him out, then I'm distancing myself from him. But the more I look around me, the more I think all religion, any religion, is just a fiction. Mythologies borrowed from each other, a dash of magic to imply there's hope, the promise of an afterlife to lead us through drudgery, the threat of damnation to keep us in line. All pretty stories, but in the end just that. Fiction.
Right, Chris. Stay on topic. Endings, beginnings, change.
Want something to change, and it won't happen. Try to make it happen, and you become the obstacle that prevents it. Just sit back and hope it will happen? Keep sitting my friend. Wait for Godot. Bring a Bible to read. It may not be real, but hey it's long.
We all want to hold onto things, to make them happen, to find a bubble of happiness that we can hold onto and presever like a glass ornament. We wish the things that make us happy would never end, that even if your day was shitty and banal beyond belief, you can count on coming home, turning on the TV, and losing your worries while watching the worries of others. Or their triumphs. It's not about escaping, fleeing from the world around you. It's about letting your troubles down for a while and enjoying yourself.
Rambling again. Stop it!
We can tape shows, take pictures of our friends to remind us of happy times, listen to Skinny Puppy long after the band has split up and died and all but vanished from the minds of modern clubgoers. The world will move on around us, and the best way to enjoy it is to move on with it. Be open to new things, check out other places.
Why is all this coming out now? Am I ready for something new? I'm certainly ready for some changes, been ready for a while now. I was hoping to leave room in my life for other things besides my hobbies, gaming. A new interest? A new hobby? A new someone? Gods, it's been long enough for that. Passion. That's what I'm missing. I'm a passionate person, be it with friends or dancing or music (playing not listening to) or acting or gaming. Everything I do is passionate. When I fall for someone I do so hard. It's not something I do often, but every so often someone gets inside me and I dare to hope. It feels like once I make that connection, that will be it. That's the person I'll be with forever. That doesn't leave a lot of room for casual dating.
Can I let that go? Can I not care as much about things, become less intense and relaxed, go-with-the-flow guy? Intensity has been good for getting me a lot of pain and rejection. Holding onto things, overanalyzing (kinda like now). Maybe it's not my intensity that I have to let go, but my self... in a sense. All the things that I want so much I have to let that desire for them go.... hollow myself out like a shed snake skin to blow in the breeze, vomit out my insecurities, rinse my mouth with some clean water, and lie back. In that field, under the stars, feeling the immensity of the earth at my back, while my eyes fall and fall into the dark all - encompassing star filled sky.
Then, and only then, will you be the One, Neo.
Alright wiseass, time for bed.
