(no subject)

[jchrisobrien]

Well, haven't I been negligent as of late?

I'm in the midst of a sangria binge, so you'll have to bear with me. Its Cinco de Mayo after all, well, it's actually the 6th as I write this but bear with me. It's not the next day until you go to sleep after all. A small number of folks who were in the neighborhood stopped by the house and watche Clerks and the State with us, and partook of sangria, and were made happy thereby.
Hopefully, those who stopped by won't be scared off from out cookout next weekend. It's been proved that not everyone is on the same wavelength that Clay and I are on... and yet who can resist the offer of sangria and a a cookout?
Ah alcohol.... almost the perfect drug. It doesn't hold a candle to Public Enemy #1 at this time... A friend of mine told me that you seldom get what you need, or what you want is not in synch with what you need. What I need is a connection with someone, one who isn't afraid of intensity. I think I have ignored someone like that lately, and another may not be ready for that level.
What's new, eh? Eventually, I will stop whining about what I don't have and spend all my time remarking on the good that is out there. And there is so much good out there.
I dreamed last night thatI was at a cookout at the beach. I walked to the back of the house, wehre several people wre gathered watching the waves crash in against the shore. B_____ was there, taking pictures of the surf. I perched by her shoulder, close enough to feel her breath on my cheek, and listened to her wax poetic about the sea. I felt an incredible closeness.
This was the nicest dream I've had in a while.
This moment of peace and solitude brought to you by.... Chris O'Brien

Comments

dreams of closeness

[(Anonymous)]

i can remember very clearly all the dreams i'm ever had involving a feeling of unexpected closeness. i always wondered if i was just dreaming that feeling, or if the dream was provoking that feeling, or, if the feeling was an illusion or if i could really feel that way. i had that same feeling while under a certain influence once. waking up and realizing the feeling wasn't real, for whatever reason, was always the worst thing in the world. (and the times when it has been real have been the best.)

pui (posting under the influence) always seems a good idea at the time, doesn't it? _grin_

Re: dreams of closeness

[kteich.livejournal.com]

oops, that was me, it seemed to mark me anon...

Re: dreams of closeness

[silas7.livejournal.com]

I haven't had any regrets pui yet. Heh.

I think feeling close is fleeting, it happens unexpectedly sometimes. It's a lot different when you are with someone, from what I understand. I had similar experiences under a certain influence. I don't think the feeling of closeness isn't real in those circumstances, I think it's just easier to get past your and their guards and boundaries. We're very good at hiding our feelings, it takes a lot of trust to open up to someone, and bravery. Sometimes, you have a little "assistance" getting past that.

The feelings are real, just hard to get to.

Re: dreams of closeness

[kteich.livejournal.com]

i don't know... bravery can be a dangerous thing. just because you had a feeling of closeness doesn't mean it has the potential of being mutual... we've all probably been shot down pretty hard before. sometimes when you let your guard down and be honest, you get a good response, but some times, you just get a blank stare. the danger about dreams of closeness is that the other person probably didn't have the same dream, no matter how real it seemed... you think that you have a reason to skip the development part of a friendship/relationship, and just end up ruining it from the outset. intensity can be intimidating.

then again, one time i went out on a limb and ended up getting married. _grin_ dreams are tricky things.

Re: dreams of closeness

[silas7.livejournal.com]

bravery can certainly be dangerous, I know this all too well. And I've know the one-sided closeness too. I think it's better in the long run to take that chance, and either confirm your feelings... or let them go.

Sounds like you're giving me a warning! Or at least have inside information...

I'm sure the other person didn't have my dream. And I know I'm intimidating and intense. I've made progress in being more relaxed, but inside intensity is a major part of who I am, that's not likely to change. I'm not saying it should, but I'm accepting that it makes my life more difficult. It's too bad more people can't deal with it, because I'm a good person overall.

Re: dreams of closeness

[kteich.livejournal.com]

no, not at all! i am way on the side of following your feelings... totally. better to regret having done something than not having done something, etc.

no, i'm just speaking for past experiences, that sometimes the best way to start a friendship is to take it slowly... or at least be very aware of the other person's reactions. because it can be kind of offensive to put that much intensity on someone without warning, you know? there are different ways to act on strong feelings...

Re: dreams of closeness

[silas7.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I get your drift. And I've been guilty of it in the past. When you have a great need, there's the instinctive desire to follow up on it immediately with everything you have. The end result is you scare the hell out of your interests, or piss them off. Times like that you just have to put your foot down and move slowly.

Eventually, I'll get it right.