(no subject)

[jchrisobrien]

It's over.
Despite my better instincts, I went down and finished out the tournament. I finally had my cry on
the way down. Recovered in time to park, and go inside. Felt cleansed, empty, a little optimistic.
Then I realized I was playing Dwarves for the third time.

One loss later, I was eating shepherd's pie at the Wharf Rat. Again, the highlight of my day.

I also lost my last game in a spectacular way, failing to hit at ALL multiple times, and losing
three units in the very last round to Chaos Dwarves. The very army I got rid of because I was
doing so poorly at it.

And I can't even find out my overall score, they will have to mail it to me.

My record for the weekend was 1 and 5. My only win against a novice who's played 2 games with
their army. I've been playing for 5 years. It's just like the Jyhad thing, over and over.
It's time to give gaming a break. I can't stand to lose, I can't stomach it.

Anything else I look at or comment on now will just be tainted by my weekend. But I know there is more
more to go wrong this week. And when it does, you will all know, until you grow tired of reading
and remove me. I wouldn't blame you. I even encourage it. I'm sure I'll be writing more on why losing sucks so much, how it ties into my feeling of self worth, but that is for later. Because Imac keyborads suck.

Enough of this crappy keyboard. I'm going to get drunk and pass out. Tomorrow begins the day
long return, to more disappointment.

Comments

[silentq.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
Well, you can be not disappointed about missing DND - we didn't end up playing because neither R nor D could make it. So we went to see Resident Evil instead. :)
If you like cheesecake, you're welcome to come over for a bitch session sometime this week, or even if you don't like cake, you can just bitch and I'll ply you with cookies. :)
*attempts to hope that good things will happen this week* *succeeds since the hopes are for you and not me*
Yeah, I'm a bit down as well, maybe we can plumb the depths and dig out all the goop and get it out of the system once and for all... and cheesecake to replace it with sweet chocolate minty goodness. I think I'm tired and should stop typing now while I have a chance of having made sense. So, in summary: I'm sorry you feel crap, let me know if you'd like to come over for dinner/dessert sometime.

Re:

[silas7.livejournal.com]

Sounds great to me. Dinner/dessert sounds very good! Email me when is a good time for you...

[clayrobeson.livejournal.com]

I think there are times that regardless of the win or loss situations, breaks help us get a better perspective on what we're doing and what we want from it. My forced hiatus from improv has shown me just how much I enjoy doing it, and that my posturing that it's about the 'creative process' and not being in the limelight is all a bunch of bullshit.

Take a break, get some distance and gain some perspective. Then, when you decide to take it up again you'll be able to come at it from a new angle.

Re:

[silas7.livejournal.com]

Indeed... Indeed... I felt myself wavering in the car... but I shall be strong and take my vacation.

[uruz.livejournal.com]

I sympathize with you. I sympathize because I am a long-time gamer, and I have invested many braincells into a game that I still do not win at when it counts. Over five years of playing, three years spent trying to perfect one particular style of deck, and I am still faced with frustration, crap draws, and losses to newbie players.

I have been at the bottom. I have pondered, I have cried. I have tried to understand why I bother playing a game -- no, investing so much of my life into something as trivial as a game -- if I am not deriving satisfaction from it.

I don't think I'll have the answer. But game does swing back and forth for me. This is why I occupy myself with many different hobbies, and social gatherings, so I will feel accomplished and *satisfied* in some ways if other ways are failing me.

For what it's worth.