jchrisobrien | Fits and spurts

Time to write was fleeting this weekend. The past two weeks or so, ever since the rave, have been stressful. A lot of time looking inward, a lot of time being angry or upset or despondent. Then time spent pulling away from that. A moment of daring. Then back to the grindstone of preparing for the Grand Tournament this weekend. Between testing army designs and painting, I've done little else. There was time to run the game on Friday (brief, but satisfying), having a small cookout and watching anime with Saturday night, and a long postponed meeting with Ali and Tony Sunday night.

Monday morning was especially evil. Sometime around 9:00 our Netware network decided to stop mapping drives to people's computers. No Lotus Notes, no CS2000, lots and lots of people deleting their Notes icon and calling us for help. By noon or so we determined what the problem was, but not how to fix it. Lack of sleep and stress gave me a wicked combo punch. Topping it off was the fact that my partner in crime for attending the tournament had to drop out, due to work problems.

Add it up and you have a very painful morning. That was then, this is now. I've taken aspirin to dull the pain of my headache, the calls have stopped coming in for the most part (though the problem still exists) and I've decided to go to the Tournament by myself. I can stay at my parent's house, just an hour away, diving there and back again (like a big industrial hobbit) to save on hotel fees. I can also take a leisurely drive back Monday like I planned initially. And it will be a vacation. A little chance to get out of Boston, to get my head back together. The stress of preparing an army, painting, and modeling will be gone. Questions will be answered. And we will be one week closer to spring, to the growth and warmth we all so desperately need right now. Many of us seem on the edge, without hope, static. Many of these reasons are deep and varied and not easily fixed. But a warm breeze, balmy nights sitting out under the stars, drinking sangria on your front porch... these are all potent medicines to heal a sickly soul.

Ahhh... and to think I was dreading writing today.

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Because the winter has been disturbingly warm, we had to internalize the coldness, the precipitation, the darkness. Winter expressed itself spiritually rather than physically this year.

I can't tell you the number of people who expressed an interest in CANCELLING FEBRUARY so that it can't hurt us again.

I vote that we cancel February and rename it ClayRawksuary!

An interesting theory... winter of the soul indeed. Even though I don't like winter, I'd rather have real winter than winter of the soul.

At least with real winter, you get snowfalls.

February should be abolished for so many reasons... at least be honest and call it Blightmonth, or the Harrowing

Please make it stop. It's so miserable this way. If you get out first, make sure to drag the rest of us with you.

If I get out, I will light a torch, leave bread crumbs, a trail of string, and chalk marks on the wall, so that everyone can find their way out.

No one gets left behind!

...and yet I have not the energy to walk the path.

so what's this moment of daring that you've mentioned more than once?

and after this past summer, I found my depression runs year round, so it doesn't matter so much about the winter. but yeah, pitch February just on principle. winter sucks more than summer.

That? oh, that failed.

Depression is eternal, but worse in the winter than in the spring or summer.

Fits and spurts

a theory

Re: a theory

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Many of us seem on the edge, without hope, static.

Re: Many of us seem on the edge, without hope, static.

I know the way...

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