How do I say this?

[jchrisobrien]

I'm taking a break from the scene. No more club nights for me, probably for about 2 1/2 weeks. If I feel a compelling urge to dance, maybe I'll try Phoenix Landing or even God help me the hip hop club at the Hong Kong. But the Goth nights are out. They're poisonous to me right now. Too many self important people in them. Too many people who shrink away from eye contact. Too many others who shine far brighter. That's probably the bigger of the two issues.

I've been told by several people that the clubs are horrible places to meet people, and that lately I tend to go there with the expectation of hooking up, instead of dancing. It's been suggested by more than one person that I need to broaden my interests or try different clubs in Boston for meeting people. Go to art showings, museums, theaters, leave the ratty club world behind.

There's a fundamental flaw in their logic. If going to the club to meet new people is "looking too much" or "trying to hard", how is going to a different location FOR THE SAME REASON any different? I could start going to Bill's Bar or the Enormous Room, but it's not because I like those places. It would be to meet non-Goth type folk, with the purpose of finding an interest. The same activity, with a different crowd. I also don't want to go to clubs with crappy house or hip hop (which I don't identify with at all) just so I can meet new people with whom I will have little in common. Yes, I still identify with a culture, and I like to go to the clubs with the music and fashion that I like. If you've grown out of your Goth faze and turn your nose up at the scene, hey, pat yourself on the back. Some of us still enjoy it, and like to go there. Except of course, when we don't enjoy it. But for different reasons.

My moods shift pretty quickly, but I'm going to try to hold to not going out, at least until Hell. I might try a few other clubs, or I'll stay home for a couple of weeks and watch movies or read. Because there's another reason for not wanting to go to the clubs. Which I'll get to in a moment.

Comments

[amadea.livejournal.com]

*nodnod*
The big reason I love the Boston goth scene and all of its various sites is that they are so evocative - the music, the smells, the look of the people, the tone of the social interactions all set up this incredibly dense and familiar atmosphere. And that reason why I love it has also, on occasion, been the reason why I've had to stay away from it at times when I feel like all those mood-cues are cuing me into patterns I've fallen into that I'm not enjoying or not comfortable with. The sensory richness and similarity of gothy spaces is enough to pull me right back into it, and I find myself feeling and defining myself in ways that sometimes, if I've had enough difficult experiences in that space, I'm otherwise struggling to get away from.

So I think your idea is probably a good one... changing one's surroundings and learning a new set of associations with feeling happy, feeling social, feeling bored, feeling angry can be a good way to start shifting patterns of interaction between you and the world that feel hopelessly entrenched.

[dirtyknees.livejournal.com]

changing one's surroundings and learning a new set of associations with feeling happy, feeling social, feeling bored, feeling angry can be a good way to start shifting patterns of interaction between you and the world that feel hopelessly entrenched.

Very, very well said.

I had to do this after the big breakup with Tony. I just had to stop going to ManRay Wednesdays, because I found myself thinking the same diseased things about myself that Tony wanted me to believe about myself - whether he was there or not. Things like, "Andrea is a weak person", "Andrea is a little mouse." I loved getting all dolled up and dancing there. Turning my back on it was hard, but totally necessary. I started going to Ceremony, which I initially hated, but which really was a different set of people for me, at the time. I moved out of my "comfort zone" (if you could even call it that). For the first few weeks there, I allowed myself to act really bitchy, I allowed myself to be angry. I wore completely different clothes from what I was used to. It was therapeutic. During my first real conversation with Fred, I was pretty obnoxious to him (something like, "You're not a goth at all - what the fuck are you doing here?"). He responded with some nice things, which made me re-evaluate him. I could tell he respected me (maybe based on my new take-no-shit demeanor). That's exactly what I needed.

--Andrea