Crumbs

[jchrisobrien]

I barely made it to Liquid last night, but Jason was still there and he cut my hair. We ended up with a sort of medusa look that I doubt I'll be able to reproduce, w/out buying some Spike. I didn't work out again, for reasons I'm still kicking myself over.

If I can scrape together the money I will visit an old flame in Los Angeles in the spring. This will be dependent on my job going full time so I can get paid time off.

I placed a second phone call for a consultation session. I have yet to hear a response.

There are times when I can analyze things that are going on, and figure out what I need to do. I lack the will to do them, in most cases. How you do not get upset about something? You can decide or figure out that you should relax about things, but how do you actually do so? I'm not sure if this is something that anyone can help you with. You can either let it go, or not. Medication could help, but there are scary stories about how it affects you.

Intellectually, I should stop looking at what other people have, and look at what I have. Think about my gifts and strengths (since I think so much about my weaknesses). Ignore what other people have or do and just look at me. But it's really, damn hard. Should it be that hard? That's the heart of the question, isn't it.

Comments

[brigid.livejournal.com]

it's hard not to compare yourself to your friends, i find myself doing that alot at the moment. part of me is really excited to be graduating in the spring and is very proud of putting myself through college while working, etc etc etc. and then i think "wow i'm 25 and i'm just getting my bachelors now" and then i look at people i know with phds and i get disheartened. but then i realize our situations were alot different, and just because i am doing things at a different rate does not make my accomplishments subpar.

but the point is, what my friends have, really has little to no bearing on my life, and it really never will. instead of feeling like i am competing with my friends, i should only be in competition with myself

[silas7.livejournal.com]

Those are hard feelings to fight against. It's one thing to say that I accomplish things at my own rate, but you could also say that I'm lazy, and which would be the right answer?

I'm finding it very easy to envy my friends at this point, almost to the degree where I can't be satisfied with what I have because of what they have. That really has to stop. Your last paragraph is very accurate. If someone else becomes a millionaire when they are 18, or gets a Phd or a CEO position, that doesn't impact my life at all. It won't make me dumber, smarter, richer, or poorer. There's no point in envying them what they have. I just have to keep shouting that mantra over and over in my head until it drowns out the envying side. Or something like that.