Courage check, difficult 18

Strange discussions with my doctor on Wednesday. He mentioned that normally the patient/doctor relationship grows or changes with many of his patients, but with me it seems frozen and hasn't progressed since I've started seeing him. Weird comment. I did talk about how even going to talk to him puts me on edge at times, which he wasn't aware of. Some big things that did come out of the discussion was the perception of therapy. Many people view it as a weakness to have to go in. A better way of viewing it is having the courage to face problems going on in your life and dealing with them, as opposed to ignoring them or burying them. I didn't spend all those years playing Dungeons and Dragons and not learn a little something about courage.

We also hit on a growing satisfaction with being myself, and being fine with myself w/out a girl on my arm. I've been on three dates from OKCupid lately. They were perfectly OK, and two of them actually wrote back afterward, and I think one of them wanted me to kiss her. I wasn't particularly feeling it with any of them. I'm certainly in no rush to meet anyone before the New Year. NYE kiss be damned! Excess could have been a bad trigger night: the flirting factor was in high gear. I can't say that it phased me. I said a few hello's, and mainly sat back and watched. It felt good to define and set my own level of involvement, to be happy right where I was, wanting nothing. Maybe this weekend I'll feel more inclined to be social, and pursue conversations. That's the first step to getting where I want to go. Opening up. It's a bit scary to make myself that vulnerable but... see above re: Courage

Sometimes the titles of the entry don't make themselves known until the last word.