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Into the Great Blue Void
Feb. 28th, 2002 02:40 pmI leave my house a good hour and a half late this morning. Partly from sleeping in, partly because I'm angry and just feel like it. It's bright and windy and I'm thankful I'm wearing my black thug hat. The asphalt travels by at a quick clip, the wind scratches my face, and there is no smell in the air. It's very sterile. I glance behind me to see if the bus is coming, and I see something else. The sky. It's empty of clouds.
I crane my head around as I'm walking and everywhere I look it's the same. There are absolutely no clouds in the sky, anywhere. Just one vast blue expanse. Robin's egg blue by the horizon, darkening to kingfisher blue, to not quite navy at the center. Lake blue maybe. The kind of blue that isn't any other color but sky blue. It's vast and empty and perfect. The wind blows again, and I feel like March has arrived early. A sneak preview.
I wanted to fly up into the center of that blue sky, surrounded by nothing for miles in every direction. Alone, untouched. I wanted to scream at the of my lungs until I was hoarse, release all the bile and hate and corrosion in my system, and let the void take it all. Unflinching, uncaring. I would scream and scream until there was nothing left, my voice ragged, my body empty. And the void would take it all and consume it. Nothing left, nothing escaped, no complaining. I would become a part of that great void, all encompassing, omnipresent, empty yet holding all.
Instead, I walked down the hill from Steele Sq. to the T. But even as I sat in the tunnels waiting for my train, I could still feel the cold breath of the void on my face, and if I closed my eyes I was still there, in the Great Blue.
I crane my head around as I'm walking and everywhere I look it's the same. There are absolutely no clouds in the sky, anywhere. Just one vast blue expanse. Robin's egg blue by the horizon, darkening to kingfisher blue, to not quite navy at the center. Lake blue maybe. The kind of blue that isn't any other color but sky blue. It's vast and empty and perfect. The wind blows again, and I feel like March has arrived early. A sneak preview.
I wanted to fly up into the center of that blue sky, surrounded by nothing for miles in every direction. Alone, untouched. I wanted to scream at the of my lungs until I was hoarse, release all the bile and hate and corrosion in my system, and let the void take it all. Unflinching, uncaring. I would scream and scream until there was nothing left, my voice ragged, my body empty. And the void would take it all and consume it. Nothing left, nothing escaped, no complaining. I would become a part of that great void, all encompassing, omnipresent, empty yet holding all.
Instead, I walked down the hill from Steele Sq. to the T. But even as I sat in the tunnels waiting for my train, I could still feel the cold breath of the void on my face, and if I closed my eyes I was still there, in the Great Blue.
