jchrisobrien | Consequences

Consequences

Not surprisingly, I pissed people off.
Not surprisingly, I lost some friends.
Not surprisingly, some people are too sensitive. Including me.

The post is gone. If you missed, you didn't miss anything worth seeing. If you were offended by it, I apologize. I snapped. If you were hurt by what I said, well you aren't the only one who was hurt. If you think I'm even capable of what I said, well, you don't know me.

I swear, this week will be the death of me. Any happiness I gained at the psytrance night was completely removed by events surronding Episode II. and the subsequent events of tonight. I shouldn't feel threatened or belittled when other cast disparaging remarks on my hobbies and interests. I should just let them have their say, because their opinons don't matter right? They aren't more valid than mine, right? I wish I believed that. But that's the way the world works. Everyone has the freedom to say whatever they want. My only option, if I don't like what is being said, is to get up and move away.

I've been talking about taking vacations, and hermitages. Ideally, I should just disappear. Drop my mailing lists. Shut down my journal, or remove my friends and make things private. Go on a complete retreat from the world, and sort myself out.
That is running from the problems though, and not resolving them.

But you know, fine. Hate me. Be pissed. Do what you have to do.

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You lost friends over that post? That seems silly... I'm really sorry, that sucks.

i am so oblivious to these things that for all i know i did read that post, found it completely inoffensive and forgot about it. last i read livejournal was about 2:30am last night. did i miss it?

I think if you would have read the post you would have laughed. Much like I did. It wasn't offensive (to me at least).

*excuse me!*

(hands on hips)

I felt personally violated by all this talk of cock-stuffing.

*snap*

;> heehee

like I said before... you got to stuff them somewhere. hopefully this time there will be no coffee spillage from the mouth from that comment. heehee... alrighty i'm done.

If you lost friends over a live journal post? That's retarded. Sounds to me like they weren't really good friends anyway.

sending you hugs

i was THRILLED to see that post.
I knew you had that sort of passion and poisen within you
and I was fairly sure letting it stew was doing you no good.
and now I'm amazed and disapointed at the people who got upset at that post, but then i realize/remember how really stupid alot of people are.

Take care of yourself Chris.

Some people aren't possessed of the same level of humor as my other friends. And what I said COULD be interpreted as a sort of attack.

I left the entry open long enough so it could be seen. It has served its purpose.

Rest assured, I will be indulging my passions and poison more in the future. You haven't seen the last of it.

*grins

I didn't get to see this on account I was asleep at the time. However, I want to jsut tell you I know no one at your house last night faulted you for anything. You seemed upset, and honestly, I felt really bad. And no one there isn't your friend. We love you honestly. And I think that will stay that way

I've been an ass.
You'd think I had colon cancer or somethint the way I was carrying on.

I took dramamine to help me sleep the other night, and it fucked up my body the entire day.
Which didn't help my mood.
I got stage fright making a character, and was just overwhelmed by the people in the other room. I will make a character for the game, just one that I like, not worry about power levels, and just play.

Lord knows I need to laugh a lot more.

*hug* You're welcome to your opinion whether it differs from mine or not. I will still respect and love you whether you embrace, repudiate, or are apathetic toward things that I enjoy. And I can and will respect your wishes to not have things you enjoy bashed in front of you; not that I think there's over much we are on that opposite ends of.

I don't see where the idea was invalid, even if the language used to express it may have been strong.

i'm surprised that some are sensitive enough for you to lose friends.

standing up for yourself can be hard -- but you also get to see those who can interact with you on the level that you want to interact with them.

and if they can't, well, why would you want to be their friend anyway?

Are you seriously saying someone bothered to get mad at YOU for that post? Seemed like pretty righteous anger to me.

I was offended by that post. Not because I thought you'd do something like that, but because of my past experiences with people who would. Bad memories were stirred up.
That said, I know that I'm thin skinned, and I applied my 24 hour rule before responding, and was able to gain some perspective on it. I'd have liked to have had the oppurtunity to re-read the post though

*stops and takes a deep breath* The following is not meant to be an attack, 'kay?

It seems to me that lately you've been taking a lot of things personally. Maybe it is time to take a break and get things in perspective. Big events will generate big discussions, everyone will have an opinion, and there are other people who see things the same way you do. They may not say anything, or they may be "under seige" with you. People may post off hand remarks disparaging something you like, and if it upsets you, call them on it and give them a chance to reword or defend themselves. Don't assume that it's an attack.

If a person's not a gracious loser, they're not going to be fun to be around when they lose. And no one wins all the time.

*hops off her soapbox*

I'm still your friend, I just wanted to let you know that I've had some problems with some of your attitudes lately and I thought it wouldn't be good to let this fester.

Ah, ok, _that_ post .. I did see that. I also wish you (silas) had left out that particular part.

I don't think there's really any "losing" involved though .. it's just that you've _got_ to realize that an attack on something you like does not necessarily have anything to do with you as a person. I know that some people do go for the "if you like that you must be stupid" attitude, but I don't think our mutual friends and acquaintances are that way.

I apologized for my callous remark. I am often the company of people who use such callousness on a regular basis, and I forgot myself. I am not that person, and I don't resort to those remarks.

I won't even try to defend myself.

Yes, I'd better learn that lesson. Or I will begin to lose people I care about as friends, and it will be my fault.

I still think people shouldn't be as negative as they are. I shouldn't have to be the only responsible one. But I do need to toughen up, and remember it.

Taking a break is proving harder than I thought. I don't assume that they are attacks. I get tired of hearing everybody say negative things all the time. If I get tired of it, then I should probably be the one to leave. On the other hand, I was taught if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. People seem to take great joy in cutting things down, why not take joy in building things up?

Part of me says you really have to see some of my dice rolling to understand how frustrated I get. Part of me SHOULD understand how very little these games matter. I think you start measuring your self worth by your successes. When you start doing that, you begin to set yourself up for a big fall. One shouldn't measure their self worth by how well they roll d6s.

Which attitudes specifically have/are bothering you?

Re: building things up versus tearing down. I see your point. I seem to recall that in various discussions there were positive things being said, maybe just not as loudly as the negative ones.

Re: attitudes. I get uncomfortable when you start snapping etc. when we're playing dnd. F. was rolling pretty abysmally this last game, and I think all of the party has been hit by friendly fire due to 1's coming up. I dunno. I enjoy when people roll play the bad dice rolls (dropped frying pans come to mind :) ).

1. It's a sad thing that I don't give the good things their proper credit. That's something else I have to do.

2. My snapping there is a carryover from Warhammer. I've lost track of the number of times that perfect tactics, maneuvers, and the like are ruined by some bad dice rolls.
You have a good point about role playing the bad dice rolls. If I apply that same logic to Warhammer, it will probaly help my attitude immensely. Thanks for the tip!

I'd love to talk about this more over tea and/or dal bat. Does tomorrow work well for you?

Hey ... I think I missed the post too, but I know a lot of stuff has been getting to you lately. People do throw out sharp criticism very casually a lot of the time .. I know I do too ... but you know it's all supposed to be part of almost a ritualistic conversation, that's not meant to hurt anyone personally. The problem is that when the subject of criticism is something that is really meaningful to you, of course you don't want to see it trashed without a thought. We're all so used to playing the game, sarcastically cutting everything down, that people don't really think anyone's taking it seriously. Or we figure they can just tune out the criticism, because who cares - it's just another opinion, right?

I almost feel that I have to guard the side of me that _is_ susceptible to actually caring about stories, movies, music, and so on ... it's like there's a side that can turn an analytical and cynical eye on things and say "Yeah, this is formulaic and cheesy and playing on my emotions..." and another side that isn't worried about being a cultural critic, that just reacts. Guess which one gets the public exposure most of the time?

I doubt any of your friends wanted you to end up feeling bad. They probably just weren't thinking about it, because trashing everything is so routine.

I wonder what would happen if someone just said "You're saying a lot of things that are making me feel really bad, and I wish you would knock it off." Seems like something you ought to be able to say to friends, doesn't it?

I was not offended, but I don't think you meant anything towards me anyway.

I do not think that you should feel regret over what you said. Sometimes you just need to get that type of stuff out before it rots inside you. If people can't deal with it, and they claim to be your friend, then the relationship needs to be reevaluated. You should feel free to express your opinion, even if your "friends" may seem put off by it. If they give you shit because you have the need to say something "unpopular," they should question why they have to get so defensive.

You have a right to believe what you believe. You have a right to defend your beliefs. Your friends should respect that, and respect you. If they belittle you for those beliefs, they should accept that you will defend yourself to them. They would do the same. If they think that they have the right to make you feel guilty because you defended yourself, they're wrong.

You should not feel guilty. You were right to say what you said, do what you did. The wrong was comitted by those who attacked you and said that because they were your friends, you should feel bad, wrong, and guilty for expressing your opinions.

Just my two cents.

uhhh. i missed the apparently evil post

if you need to vent....

if you need to vent you know my #

i have lots of free time now

I think I'll take you up on that today.

if you lose friends over such things, then maybe they weren't that great of friends.

the only person you find in isolation is maybe yourself. if you feel so lost, perhaps that's the best bet. but the best friends will help you find yourself because they think they've already found, and like, you.

take a vacation. maybe just for a weekend.

The LAN party helped things immensely, and I will have a vacation coming up in a few weeks.

I may just take one early come this weekend...
Things are on the mend. Thanks for the kind words!

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