four days running

[jchrisobrien]

I deleted my OKCupid account today, after what must be the fiftieth woman messaged me that I would never go out with. I don't need this kind of negative reinforcement, thanks.
Facebook and Myspace are on the cusp too. One I never really use, and the other is just a duplicate for almost everyone I know (except for one person I have no business talking to ever).
Livejournal stays, because I've been here forever, and I'm not limited to 140 characters per post (you go to hell, twitter.)

History tells me there is a light at the end of the tunnel. So I will listen to history, and not my head, even though this tunnel is black as pitch. There are things crawling in it.

Comments

[silas7.livejournal.com]

I have dated some people like that too. It usually led to them thinking everying was great and rosey and awesome, and I wanted to scrub my face every time after I gave them a kiss, or felt like apologizing to my friends afterwards for introducing them to my "date".

I don't want to give someone false hope and them crush them. I want what most of my friend have or have had: actual, god honest lust, weak in the knees, being EXICTED to see the other person. I want chemistry.

[atalanta.livejournal.com]

But sometimes that chemistry develops over time! It really does! I have had more relationships that came from later-developing chemistry than relationships that came from instant attraction.

[sirendipity.livejournal.com]

This.

[silas7.livejournal.com]

Frankly, I'm unwilling to put that much time into a relationship with a bunch of forty-something single moms. I don't want to go through the motions with some boring, uninteresting person just be cause the "winked" at me. I want to have what all of my other friends have had, who pursued what they wanted and got it.

I'll allow that chemistry can develop over time. I'm almost forty. I've wasetd a good twenty years of my life being single, because I haven't had the guts to ask for what I want or been so poor at making choices or spineless that no one wanted what was offered. I don't have the TIME to date someone I'm not passionate about for six months on the off chance something comes of it.

[atalanta.livejournal.com]

Well, by all means if you aren't interested in dating someone with kids, don't waste your time and theirs (but couldn't you put that bit in your profile to avoid getting messaged by moms in the first place?)

But I'm sure no one is suggesting you should date someone for 6 months while feeling no attraction to them. I thought people were suggesting giving these women a chance, at least - like a date or two. Who knows if you might have a great time in person, even if they don't grab you immediately online? Right? You seem like you're dismissing them out of hand with almost no information.

[fudjo.livejournal.com]

OkCupid is bullshit. For people like silas7 and I, all we get are 40+ year old single moms with kids. If we find someone we find interesting, then _maybe_ we get one email response back if we're lucky.

After a year of trying out OkCupid, I had _zero_ dates. On top of it, I came across multiple instances of copy-and-pasted profile information.

Fuck that noise.

[silas7.livejournal.com]

I didn't mention anything about single mom's because it wasn't really an issue. In fact, I did send an e-mail to woman, 37, who was a single mom. Why? Because I thought she was attractive and interestintg. Also, she picked me as someone who was a 4-5 (out of 5) for looks/interests.

I never heard back from her. Even though SHE initiated the contact.

Sexual attractivness is the deal breaker, it's what separates a friend from a lover. It is not the only quality that I look for: kindness, intelligence, humor. All these things are great and essential for someone I want to date seriously. I can get these from any number of my current female friends. What's lacking is intimacy.

You'll just have to take my word for it that I haven't wanted intimacy with the vast majority of the people who've messaged me. Those where I'd consider it, I've had one or two exchanges of email, and then nothing. I haven't turned every single of of them down. I also done reaching out and messaging people. 1 in 10 have responded at all. I've had a sum total of two physical interactions (dates) with people, and I've never heard back from them.

Now, add to that frustration seeing a bunch of your married friends flirting heavily with other couples, or dating couples all hanging over couples at a "swinger's lite" party, while you can't bring yourself to even hug someone w/out fear of rejection. That's about where I'm at. I'm Jip, w/out the Lulu (remember Human Traffic? see how I can still add a little levity to things?)