You're cool, even if the dice say differently
Saturday's Warhammer was pretty abominable. I finished last again, despite having solid painting and army scores. Losing two games and getting one tie will do that to you. I managed to get through it w/out really losing my temper, but when I continued rolling poorly after the game, I lost my temper. To the degree that my opponent felt uncomfortable (it wasn't his fault) and the salesman came downstairs and told me to tone it down.
It's no surprise to anyone who reads this that I'm as frustrated by my hobbies as often as I enjoy them. It all stems from being angry at things you can't control (like rolling dice). You'd think that if you knew you had no control over something, that it would be easy to keep your cool about it. That hasn't been the case. Perhaps some of it comes from seeking a sense of self worth through victory. No one wants to be a loser all the time, and after six years of playing you want to think you've gotten good at something. It's easy to forget that when you're rolling really low, and your elite unit flees in terror.
Looking on the bright side is hard work. People can point things out to you over and over, spell it out for you in really big letters and single syllable words. But you have to be the one to internalize those lessons. And you have to study those lessons. And practice, practice, practice. In the case of my hobby, it means looking at all the aspects of it, and seeing how I've done. My painting has improved steadily over the years, and my current projects look like the kind of models that I would have envied when starting the hobby. I regularly put together armies with character and style. I get into the games with amusing stories and observations and normally the people I play really enjoy playing me. All of that is under my control, and all of that is pretty top notch.
When I looked at the score sheet after the tournament, I saw that I had scored high in all of the categories I had control over. The distance between first place and last was twenty one points. The difference of two wins, which was all from battle scores. This was all dice controlled. It would be easy to get upset at my performance, to begin that spiral of "I suck, I'm no good at Warhammer..." No good at rolling dice? Please. This is one of those situations where winning isn't a necessary indication of being a good player. And there are far better places to find a sense of self-worth in. It's this kind of practice that I was talking about earlier. You have to tell yourself to relax, to look at the bigger pictures, to remember your strengths. And you have to do it again, and again. It's hard work, and there's no supervisor to get on your case when you slack off about it. The rewards for doing it, however, are priceless.
It's no surprise to anyone who reads this that I'm as frustrated by my hobbies as often as I enjoy them. It all stems from being angry at things you can't control (like rolling dice). You'd think that if you knew you had no control over something, that it would be easy to keep your cool about it. That hasn't been the case. Perhaps some of it comes from seeking a sense of self worth through victory. No one wants to be a loser all the time, and after six years of playing you want to think you've gotten good at something. It's easy to forget that when you're rolling really low, and your elite unit flees in terror.
Looking on the bright side is hard work. People can point things out to you over and over, spell it out for you in really big letters and single syllable words. But you have to be the one to internalize those lessons. And you have to study those lessons. And practice, practice, practice. In the case of my hobby, it means looking at all the aspects of it, and seeing how I've done. My painting has improved steadily over the years, and my current projects look like the kind of models that I would have envied when starting the hobby. I regularly put together armies with character and style. I get into the games with amusing stories and observations and normally the people I play really enjoy playing me. All of that is under my control, and all of that is pretty top notch.
When I looked at the score sheet after the tournament, I saw that I had scored high in all of the categories I had control over. The distance between first place and last was twenty one points. The difference of two wins, which was all from battle scores. This was all dice controlled. It would be easy to get upset at my performance, to begin that spiral of "I suck, I'm no good at Warhammer..." No good at rolling dice? Please. This is one of those situations where winning isn't a necessary indication of being a good player. And there are far better places to find a sense of self-worth in. It's this kind of practice that I was talking about earlier. You have to tell yourself to relax, to look at the bigger pictures, to remember your strengths. And you have to do it again, and again. It's hard work, and there's no supervisor to get on your case when you slack off about it. The rewards for doing it, however, are priceless.
